


Era 6

by salmonpapayas



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: :))), A Lot of Death, Aged-Up Peter Parker, Angst, BAMF Peter Parker, College Student Peter Parker, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), F/M, Fake Character Death, Fate Worse Than Death, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Identity Issues, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Infinity Stone Soul World (Marvel), Kinda, M/M, Marvel Universe, Minor Harry Osborn/Peter Parker, Minor Peter Parker/Gwen Stacy, Non-Canonical Character Death, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, POV Third Person, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter Parker-centric, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Tony Doesnt Die, Whump, a lot of guilt, i cant believe i didnt think of that, i like to think its a healthy mix of angst and humor, its worse than that, ive never written a slow burn so i’m not really sure how it’ll go, no beta we die like ben, no beta we die like men, peter parkers HURT in this one, this is angsty but its not completely depressing, this isnt a light one, with some whump mixed in
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:27:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28925055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salmonpapayas/pseuds/salmonpapayas
Summary: "Peter's life could pretty easily be divided up into five eras. Almost all of them were separated by the deaths of people he loved. It was safe to say that his life so far, and for the foreseeable future, was a shitshow."Peter came back from being blipped to a different world, a more brutal one. At least, for superheroes. After his identity got revealed to the wrong people, Peter had to disappear. For the sake of himself and everyone he loved, he had to die.Spiderman, Peter Parker, all of it had to die.And everyone had to believe it.But of course, even when he was dead, things for Peter were never easy.He couldn't just completely hang up the mantle, give up crime fighting. So when the Fantastic Four made their debut, Peter made a stupid decision to put on a mask again. Just not the mask of Spiderman.Read as Peter navigates going to college, hiding his identity, and doing everything he can to stay dead.
Relationships: Ben Parker & Peter Parker, Gamora & Peter Parker, Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harry Osborn & Peter Parker, Harry Osborn/Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Nick Fury & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker & Johnny Storm, Peter Parker & Shuri, Peter Parker & Stephen Strange, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker/Johnny Storm
Comments: 21
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Perfect Storm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15570162) by [grilledcheesing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/grilledcheesing/pseuds/grilledcheesing). 



> TRIGGER WARNING  
> in this chapter, there is:  
> brief mention of drug use/addiction  
> several deaths  
> mention of terminal illness  
> brief mention of physical abuse (like one sentence)  
> mention of gunshot wounds  
> description of blood  
> brief mention of hospitals and the ICU
> 
> That's all I can think of, but if I missed anything, please let me know. 
> 
> Before you read this, I must warn you that I'm very inconsistent with updating, so please don't get your hopes up about this being updated regularly. I'm always open to improving, so if you have any criticism, please leave a comment! Also, I didn't proofread this, so if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes, point them out! I can handle it :)
> 
> This work is going to be loosely based on [A Perfect Storm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15570162/chapters/36147588) by [grilledcheesing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/grilledcheesing/pseuds/grilledcheesing) . I read it a little while ago, and I really liked the basic premise of the story, so I'm kind of taking the basic idea of the story and making something else with it! I really hope you enjoy this first chapter.
> 
> Word count for the chapter: 7,258

Peter's life could pretty easily be divided up into five eras. Almost all of them were separated by the deaths of people he loved. It was safe to say that his life so far, and for the foreseeable future, was a shitshow. 

Era one was the most peaceful, and it also happened to be the one he remembered the least. From when he was born to about the age of five, he lived blissfully with his parents, completely unaware of the darkness the world could hold. 

He remembered playing a lot and messing around with the crappy computer his dad kept in the garage. And he remembered being warm. But that was it.

Era one ended with a plane crash and Peter becoming an orphan. He moved in with his Uncle Ben and Aunt May. And that was that. 

But the thing that nobody could've predicted was that Peter's parents dying was just the first event of many. Peter was five when he lost his parents. The first in a long line of deaths that would trail Peter for the rest of his life.

Era two was… nice. For a while, it was almost good. It was ten years of peace; from the age of five to 14, Peter was a pretty regular kid with pretty standard issues. Dealing with bullies, focusing on school, crushing on girls (and guys). The only thing that could be seen as abnormal about Peter was his above-average intellect and his dead parents. 

Sometimes Peter felt guilty for being so normal, so happy. He felt like he should've grieved for his parents more. But in all honesty, he hardly remembered them. And with Uncle Ben and Aunt May, he had a wonderful family. 

Looking back, Peter could do nothing but laugh. Being normal was such a blessing, such a privilege, and he wished that he could've appreciated it more. 

In era two was when Peter made his first best friend, and then the second. In middle school, he met Harry Osborn and Gwen Stacy. And they were great. They were more than great; they were the best people he had ever met. Harry's dad was the owner of Oscorp, and so Harry could show Peter all the cool stuff his dad's company was working on. Sometimes, Peter even got to play around in the labs. 

Gwen was also exceptional, but not for the same reason as Harry. She was one of the only people Peter met who could keep up with his ramblings about physics, computer science, chemistry, or whatever his current obsession was. She was just as smart as him and even more passionate.

Sometimes when Peter looked at Harry, he would feel something more than just friendship. He didn't know what it was and usually ignored it, but it was annoyingly present whenever Harry was around. 

Middle school ended well, with two of the best friends Peter could ask for and two amazing guardians. 

Peter, foolishly, approached his freshman year with hope and excitement for the future. 

But, even through all the great things, all the  _ normal _ things in his life, era 2 ended like era one. It ended with a spider bite, a gunshot, and six words that would forever change Peter's life. 

"With great power comes great responsibility." Those were the last words Uncle Ben said to Peter before he bled out. Peter had new, exciting powers. Abilities he could have never even dreamt of. And yet, he couldn't save his Uncle. In fact, his Uncle would've still been alive if it wasn't for Peter. Right before his freshman year of high school, Peter held his Uncle as he bled out from a gunshot wound. 

That was the first death that Peter had himself to blame for, but it wasn't the last. Not that he knew it yet.

Era three was short. It lasted just about a year, and what a year it was.

Peter was 14 when he became Spiderman, and he was 14 when his Uncle died. 

In the wake of Ben's death, Peter became Spiderman. There wasn't really anything else to do. His Uncle's last words to him told him that he had a responsibility. He had power, and he was going to use it to protect others. If he couldn't save his Uncle, the next best thing was to save everybody else. 

He spent freshman year swinging through the streets of New York. He spent it comforting his aunt, keeping up with school, hanging out with Harry and Gwen. He tried to forget the days before school started. 

About halfway through freshman year, Peter learned two things about Harry. He had been slightly ignoring Harry and Gwen, choosing instead to go out as Spiderman. But he also avoided Harry because of that weird feeling. He hadn't figured it out and was frankly scared of what it might be. 

But he figured it out one night during his winter break. Gwen was in Florida on vacation, so it was just Hary and Peter, hanging out in Harry's penthouse apartment. It took Harry kissing him for Peter to figure out that he was in love with Harry. It was terrifying, it was exhilarating, and the longer they kissed, the more Peter wanted. 

Peter spent the night. 

But, Peter didn't just learn one thing. As much as he cared about Harry, he also understood that Harry wasn't perfect, and his life wasn't perfect. He constantly complained about his dad, about all the pressure he was put under. He complained about having to keep up an 'image,' and he talked about how much he hated the press. Peter was also sure that Harry's dad Norman was violent, but Harry never admitted it. He couldn't. 

So it didn't really come as a surprise when Peter found Harry at three AM, high out of his mind. Peter knew Harry had money. Peter knew Harry hated his life. So, when he found out that Harry was addicted to drugs, he just hugged him. 

It was purely an accident that Peter found out at all. He was awoken by Harry getting out of bed and followed him. He usually wouldn't, but his Spider-sense told him he should. He watched Harry retrieve a needle and a spoon and watched him go into the bathroom. He knew he should try to stop Harry, but he couldn't move. 

He waited for Harry on the couch of the living room. The night ended with Harry telling Peter not to love him. He told Peter that there was nothing good in his future and that Peter should leave him before Harry dragged him down.

Peter didn't listen. They didn't kiss, didn't date, didn't hook up after that night. But Peter stayed in Harry's life and never stopped loving him. 

Gwen also never found out about that night or Harry's drug use. 

After, nothing changed much. Peter watched Harry more closely, tried to spend more time with him. But Harry didn't want to be helped.

Freshman year ended, and once again, life decided to throw Peter a curveball. Harry was diagnosed with the same illness that killed his mother, and he was given three months to live. Not even enough time to make it until sophomore year. There wasn't any treatment. There was no cure. Even with all his money, there was nothing that could be done to save Harry's life. 

Gwen and Peter just couldn't accept that. He was their best friend, and they were two of the smartest kids in the city. They could figure something out. 

So they spent the summer before sophomore year trying to come up with a cure. Trying to come up with something to save Harry's life, or at least extend it. They used Oscorp tech and money, using Normans private lab. He let them do it, let them play out their fantasy. He wasn't there half the time anyway. 

During that time, during the endless hours they spent working together, Peter started to feel something for Gwen. It was a familiar feeling, one he recognized from Harry. But he couldn't allow anything to come of it. It felt like a betrayal, and Peter didn't want to love anyone then. He couldn't.

When Peter turned 15 in august, he almost forgot it was his birthday. Harry's condition was getting worse, and he was spending more and more time in the lab, desperately searching for something that was all but impossible to find. They were close, though. Peter and Gwen managed to do the impossible. They were on the cusp of creating a serum that could save Harry.

So he was surprised when Gwen showed up a little late, holding a box with two cupcakes. One strawberry, one vanilla. "Happy 15, Peter," she had said with a tired smile. It was raining outside, so they ate the cupcakes in the lab, reminiscing. It was one of the few times they allowed themselves to sit still, stop working. 

Sitting with Gwen, alone on his birthday, made Peter realize how much he truly loved her. The way he loved Harry was desperate and exciting. The way he loved Gwen was soft, gentle. She was warm, and warmth was what Peter needed more than anything. 

He kissed her. It was an impulse, and he didn't even think before he did it. He just felt that overwhelming love for her. She kissed back. 

It was quiet, and they didn't acknowledge it. Gwen just smiled, finished her cupcake, and said, "We should get back to work."

The next few weeks were littered with moments like that, sweet ones that gave Peter a little hope. They made him think that maybe things would be okay.

"We're just missing something. Just one thing." Gwen had said. And she was right. One ingredient was all they really needed, something to complete their work. But for the life of them, they couldn't find it.

It was a late night alone in the lab when Peter got an idea. He was radioactive. The spider bite he had gotten gave him powers, and it gave him super-healing. Maybe that was the missing ingredient. It was worth a try, and they didn't have anything else. 

Just a single drop wouldn't hurt.

Gwen was astounded when she came in the next day. The serum that hadn't worked yesterday was suddenly performing amazingly on the rats they tested it on. Peter was elated. And while Gwen was suspicious, she didn't ask questions. She was just relieved they finally had something that could help their friend. 

She had kissed him in her excitement. If Peter had known that would be their last kiss, he might've savored it more. 

After that, everything happened so fast. Norman wasn't there, and Harry was on his deathbed. The serum worked, and there was nothing else that might save him, so they went for it. 

They really should've known better. 

The green goblin was the first real monster that Peter ever had to fight. He had been Spiderman for about a year at that point, but up until then, all of his work had to do with stopping car crashes, fighting muggers, and getting cats out of trees. He had never fought something so destructive, so powerful. Never something so personal. 

The goblin was mindless, on a rampage, destroying everything it came across. It had grabbed Gwen on its way out of the Oscorp tower and held her in its grasp as it ran through New York. 

It was another rainy day, not unlike Peter's birthday a few weeks back. As the light faded, Peter chased after the monster, trying to minimize its destruction, trying to get Gwen back. They ended up in a warehouse district, thankfully deserted. 

Peter had finally managed to get the goblin to stop running, but the alternative was that now, it was viciously attacking him. It needed two hands for that, though. 

They were high up on the roofs of the building. It probably hadn't even realized it dropped her. But there she was, falling through the air, rapidly approaching the ground that lay 10 stories below. Peter had quick reflexes; he prided himself on that. He was across the rooftop and reaching out for Gwen in an instant. 

He shot a web, watching fly out to catch her. Time was slowed, and he knew it would catch her. It connected, stuck to her, and wrapped around her skin. Her descent was stopped, and she never hit the ground. 

Peter's sigh of relief went quiet as he realized the web was wrapped around her neck. The world went silent as he heard the gruesome snap of her vertebrae. Gwen's scream went quiet when she was suffocated. It was an effective and quick hanging. 

The things that happened after were almost blank, just a blur of fury. The goblin didn't last much longer after that, dying with an old rusty pipe going through its heart. It thumped on the ground next to Gwen. Peter killed the Green Goblin and destroyed whatever remained of Harry with it. 

Almost a year after Ben's death, Peter sat on cold pavement, rain pounding around him. On either side, the bodies of his two best friends lay with him. 

Peter was 15 when he killed Gwen and Harry.

There's a saying that goes, "Once is an incident, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern." There was now a pattern. 

Era four started with misery and ended in searing pain. Despite that, though, it was actually pretty good. 

Peter entered his sophomore year of High School at a place called Midtown. It was one of the top STEM schools in New York, and Peter was able to get a last-minute transfer because of how much he had excelled in school previously. 

He wanted to get away from everything to do with Harry and Gwen, never wanted to hear their names again. It was bad enough hearing about it on the news, hearing how they called him a hero. 'Hero Spiderman saves New York from a destructive monster, named The Green Goblin. The only casualty being a young high school student by the name of Gwen Stacy.'

He couldn't stand anything that reminded him of them and absolutely couldn't bear going to their school alone. 

May didn't know about Spiderman. All she knew was that Peter's two best friends were killed. So she did what she could. And Midtown would be good for Peter, she thought. He always loved science. 

Peter met a kid who used to go to his middle school, a boy called Ned Leeds. They hit it off and became pretty good friends. He convinced Peter to join the school's academic decathlon team, where he also met a girl named Michelle. 

Peter spent his sophomore year hanging out with Ned and Michelle (who later became MJ). He spent it with May, whenever she wasn't at work. He spent it doing academic decathlon. He spent it doing homework, becoming one of the top students at Midtown. 

And when he wasn't doing any of those things, he was out as Spiderman, constantly patrolling the streets. 

Peter spent his sophomore year busy. So busy that he didn't have any time to stop, to think. His year consisted of always moving, running away from memories. He hardly thought of Gwen or Harry, all but refused to say their names. He pushed it all aside, damn the consequences. Because admitting your best friends are dead is one thing. But admitting that you're the one who killed them is an entirely different story. 

The thing is, one talent Peter was incredible at was suppressing his emotions. So his sophomore year ended, and he felt okay. Ned and MJ were amazing friends. He was the top student at Midtown, and he was getting better and better at being Spiderman. On top of that, almost a whole year passed without a significant event or villain.

Summer started, and Peter was actually feeling good. He felt even better when he walked into his apartment one day and saw Tony Stark sitting on his couch, talking to his aunt.  _ The  _ Tony Stark. 

The weeks after were nothing short of crazy. Tony invited him to beat up Captain America in Germany and gave him an upgraded Spider suit that must have cost nothing short of a million dollars. 

Of course, Peter said yes. Of course, he did. You'd have to be crazy not to. It was one of the most significant decisions he had ever made in his life, and he had made it without a second thought. It's interesting, though. That decision, that trip, it changed so much. Sometimes Peter looked back and wondered. If he had said no to Tony Stark, maybe he could have kept the little piece of normalcy he had left. Entangling with the likes of Iron Man is treacherous.

But no one says no to Tony Stark. 

Peter’s Junior year started, and he was still eager to be a hero, anxious for Tony to want him again, to ask for his help. He was 16 and wanted to help people more than ever. He had been Spiderman for two years and wanted to help with bigger things. It didn't happen, though. He didn't hear or see from Stark until the Vulture came along. 

The Vulture was the second major villain that Peter defeated. He dropped a building on Peter and also made him crash a plane. But Peter felt more sure of himself as Spiderman, more sure of himself as a Hero. Which was why he turned down Stark's offer to join the Avengers. 

He wanted to help people, and though joining the avengers seemed fantastic, Peter wanted to continue doing what he had always done; stopping car crashes, fighting muggers, and getting cats out of trees.

Junior year passed too. Despite the vulture incident, it had managed to stay reasonably normal, and Peter only grew closer with Ned and MJ. 

Something that did worry him, though, was the recent attitude towards superheroes. It seemed as though J. Jonah Jameson's ideas had become infectious and were spreading through civilians, all the way to the government. 

The Sokovia accords seemed to be the beginning of a crackdown on superheroes and vigilantes alike. But luckily, there wasn't much being done yet. Peter could only worry about the future. 

During the summer between Junior and Senior year, Peter went to the Avengers compound upstate. He needed an advanced repair for his suit that he couldn't stitch together himself. While he was there, he got to work with Stark in one of his labs. He ended up staying for 36 hours, working with Tony almost non-stop. The only reason it ended was because May finally demanded that Peter be returned. 

That was how Peter's unofficial internship started. For that summer, he spent several days or weeks up at the compound, working with Tony. They built tech and talked. Peter learned about Stark Industries, the Sokovia Accords, about the previous Avengers. He learned (confidential) things about the government crackdown on superheroes. That one worried him, but there wasn't much he could do, so he tried not to think about it.

But most importantly, he learned so much about Tony. He learned how his mind worked, how he built things. That summer was one of the best in his life (to be fair, it was a pretty low bar. But still). Tony mentored Peter and taught him to do things that he never even dreamed of. Peter turned 17, and Tony let him celebrate by taking off all the 'baby protocols' he still kept on the suit. 

All too soon, the summer ended, and Peter couldn't spend all his time upstate, especially considering the two hours it took to drive up. But Tony made sure to monitor Peter's activity as Spiderman, and every once in a while, Peter would go upstate. 

The first few months of senior year were good ones. Peter was getting ready to graduate, figuring out what he wanted to do with his future. Tony had opened up a possible future at MIT, which Peter had never dared dream of before. For once, Peter could see a future for himself beyond Spiderman. He was mostly happy, especially when he was with Tony, Ned, MJ, or May. None of them knew he had nightmares whenever he slept (which wasn't very often), but other than that, he was fine. 

Ignoring the things he didn't like was like a reflex for Peter. And he could ignore a lot of things.

Early May was when Peter had a field trip. He was going to MoMA, and MJ was really excited to see the art. That whole day, she practically dragged Peter and Ned through the exhibits, staring in either awe or scorn at the art. She talked a mile a minute, and the boys tried their best to listen. All things considered, it had been a pretty nice day. Ned and MJ were both so happy, and they had hope for their futures together, whether it was at Harvard or MIT. 

An alien space ship had to ruin it, of course. In the life of a superhero, it was almost expected. You could never have anything  _ too  _ good, and Peter had had over a year of good. 

So, of course, the bad was catastrophic. 

A giant flying donut in the sky. Some aliens talking about salvation. 

Peter had to protect the sorcerer, so he did, following him up into space. Tony tried to get him to go back down, but he wouldn't leave him to fend for himself. 

So to space, they went.

They fought. Thanos was big, mean, and ugly. He also stabbed Tony, the disgusting squelch of this flesh silencing the battlefield. 

Their chances of winning were 1 out of 14,000,605. But Strange still gave the time stone to Thanos. And then they were left alone on an alien planet, nothing to do but sit and hope. Hope that they might win. 

But then those 'guardians' started dissolving. And one by one, they turned to dust. 

Peter felt it coming. He could sense it, and it was a dread that penetrated his bones. Then he felt the pain start. 

White-hot burning spread throughout his entire body. He tried to fight it. He could feel his super healing try to stitch him back together. 

But his atoms were splitting apart, one by one, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. 

" _ And if you die… I feel like that's on me _ ."

Tony had said those words to him when he was fighting the Vulture. And now Peter was dying.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Stark. I'm sorry."

Peter felt the dust overtake his body, and he closed his eyes. If he was going to die, then so be it. It was probably what he deserved anyway. 

Era four of Peter Parker's life ended with him dying.

First, his parents. Then Ben. Then, Gwen and Harry. And now, finally, Peter.

But, of course, that's not the end.

Era five was the one Peter didn't really expect to happen but wasn't entirely surprised when it did. Waking up in the soul world was jarring.

It was a place that didn't really have time. It didn't have much of anything. Peter would walk around, and sometimes he found the bodies of humans or aliens. They were always sleeping, almost as if they were in a coma.

He didn't need to eat, drink, or sleep. So he just kept walking.

Eventually, he found people. First, he found Dr. Strange. Shortly after, he found a green woman called Gamora. Then he found the Back Panther and his sister. The last people he found were the Falcon, and the Winter Soldier, who he remembered were called Sam and Bucky because Tony told him.

They spent literally all of their time together. There was nowhere else to go. The lady Gamora and Bucky taught Peter hand to hand combat. Dr. Strange taught Peter rudimentary magic spells, even though most of them didn't work in the soul world.

Back Panther's sister Shuri became good friends with Peter, and they would spend (what felt like) hours talking about vibranium.

As far as they knew, they were the only people around who were awake, and they had no way of getting out of the soul world. They stuck together.

Eventually, Dr. Strange managed to figure out why other people were asleep in the soul world. And why  _ they  _ were awake. "The soul world is the embodiment of the soul stone. My guess is that when Thanos snapped, we went here. And as for why everyone's asleep-" he gestured around, "-the stone is making them do that. Its power forces them to sleep, to go unconscious."

Gamora asked what they were all thinking, "Then why aren't we asleep? The stone's power should be enough to put anybody under."

"Yes, I was going to get to that. My theory is that, in one way or another, we're all superpowered individuals. We're not normal. The stone is keeping trillions of beings asleep, and so its blanket of power lays thin. I think- we're not asleep right now, but eventually, we will succumb to it. We won't be able to stay like this forever."

That had sort of ruined the mood. But eventually, the doctor's theory was proven correct. One by one, the individuals in the group got weaker and weaker, and one by one, they fell. And when they did, there was no way of waking them up again. 

Of the group of people, Peter was the last one standing. It took a while for everyone to go, but he was left entirely alone when they did. 

He tried and tried and tried to join them. He would lay still for what felt like weeks, and maybe it  _ was  _ weeks. But he never went. 

That was when he learned how to be alone. It was a miracle it didn't drive him crazy, but he retained his sanity. 

And while he didn't like the soul world, the world he came back to was far, far worse. He sensed it coming before it actually reached him. It was the same feeling he had on Titan, a sense of dread that penetrated him to his core. Then the burning pain started as, once again, his atoms were slowly ripped apart, desperately trying to keep themselves together. 

He came back on Titan as if no time had passed at all. Then he was shoved through a portal made by Strange, and he was fighting again. He hadn't been Spiderman for a long time, but old instincts came flying back to him. He remembered the training given to him by Gamora and the Winter Soldier. And so there he was, back again on the battlefield. 

It was the worst battle he had ever seen. Everywhere he looked, there were things to fight, people to help. His instant kill mode went on almost instantly, and he worked to protect the gauntlet like everyone else. He wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he understood enough; protect the gauntlet, destroy Thanos. 

At one point, bombs came crashing down from the sky in droves, and he barely managed to avoid those.  _ Evading bombs  _ want quite something he ever planned to do. 

Throughout the battle, Peter tried to reach Tony and apologize for what happened on Titan, but there was too much going on. He didn't get the chance to get near him, but he was watching. And he watched as Tony lifted the gauntlet and snapped Thanos' army out of existence. 

It was a miracle Tony ever survived. It should've been impossible, but he hung on by a strand. After Tony snapped, he was rushed to the nearest hospital, courtesy of Doctor Strange and his magic portals. Peter didn't try to follow.

He went home. The dust took a while to settle, but eventually, he found Aunt May and just fell apart. She had survived, and she finally had him back. And he was no longer alone. 

Right? 

The next month was hell. The world was a catastrophe, and however much Peter wanted to help, May wouldn't let Peter leave her sight for more than five minutes. And Peter didn't have any working suits. The Iron Spider desperately needed a repair, and all his other suits were probably buried in Tonys storage. Spiderman couldn't help.

Tony remained in intensive care, barely clinging on to life. Peter didn't go to see him. Tony was in bad condition, and Peter couldn't bear to watch someone else he loved die. 

At the end of the month, Pepper announced an initiative to help restore order in America. 

Everything was a whirlwind, and Peter hardly had time to blink. 

Peter did pay attention, though. He paid attention to specific people, some he might even call friends. He remembered what Tony told him that summer so long ago and did his research. Daredevil had all but disappeared two years ago. Nobody knew where Deadpool was. Jessica Jones was nowhere to be found. More and more names of smaller vigilantes piled up, and to Peters horror, most of them were MIA. Whether they were threatened by the government, killed, or off the grid, New York's heroes had vanished. 

The avengers were still operating, but only because they were the only ones capable of dealing with things post-blip. And now that everyone returned, Peter worried what would happen to them. And what would happen to  _ him _ . 

He didn't have to wait long to find out. 

Two months after he came back, the world slowed. He had not gone out as Spiderman. He hadn't spoken to Ned or MJ or anyone from before. As for everyone from the soul world, he had no clue where half of them were. But he was sitting with May at their dining room table, and things slowed down. 

May had made an Italian dish, one of Peter's favorites. There were very few things she was good at cooking, and this happened to be one of them. They spoke, and they enjoyed silence together. It was so painfully peaceful.

They had a lapse of silence, and Peter heard it. A tiny  _ chink _ of glass. His eyes found a hole in their window, the one directly next to the table. He furrowed his brows and glanced back to May.

Peter was no stranger to blood. But honestly, the amount that was coming out of her head was ridiculous. She was dead the moment the bullet hit her, but it still took a second for her body to slump over. Peter caught her as she slid out of her chair, and the blood stained his hands an awfully familiar shade of red. 

"May! No, no, no, no, May, come on, May…"

She didn't respond. Of course she didn't. There was a bullet sitting in her brain. 

_ At least it was quick. _

Probably not the most appropriate thought to have at that moment. The next thought that came was much worse. 

_ May is dead _ . 

And he knew there was no saving her. 

Then as if some switch in his brain was flipped, he was very, very calm. His mind slowed down and sped up at the same time. The fog that he didn't know was there cleared, and he was able to think.

His battle reflexes kicked in, and although he wasn't technically in a battle, he knew what to do. 

A sniper was probably sitting in one of the surrounding buildings, keeping an eye out for Peter. There was no way there was a hit put out on May and  _ just  _ May. Whoever it was, was probably after Peter. 

Since he tried to catch May, he was sitting on the floor and probably out of sight of the sniper. If he were to move, he needed to be very,  _ very  _ careful.

Paying close attention to his spider-sense, he crawled on the floor, to the other side of the apartment, where the hitman would have no vision. He made it to his bedroom and stood up. He stopped for a single moment, froze. 

May was dead. She was killed because somebody was after him. She was killed because of  _ him _ . Just like everybody else. It was always his fault, everybody around him-

_ Come on, Peter,  _ **_think_ ** . 

If he thought about it, Peter was pretty sure he knew why this was happening. With the government crackdown on superheroes and vigilantes alike, it was only a matter of time until they tried to get him too. He just didn't think it would be so soon. The mystery of how they even got his identity would have to be solved later, but he needed to move forward for now.

(He tried to ignore the fact that his vigilante friends might have been slaughtered like this.)

Assuming Peter's guess was correct, then there was probably no safe place for him right now. May was his last living relative. He briefly considered trying to escape to the avengers compound upstate, but that was destroyed. Tony had re-purchased the tower in New York, but… if he was to run, the first place people would look was with Iron Man. He couldn't go there. 

It was no question to Peter that he had to disappear. He grabbed a backpack and started shoving clothes in it. He took only what he thought was necessary, and space ran out too fast. 

He didn't even have his spider suit. Being Spiderman wasn't going to help him here. It was just Peter Parker. 

He stuffed his phone in his jean pocket and grabbed a wad of cash. It was a miracle that he even had money like that on hand. He put it in a plastic zip-lock and used the last of the space in his bag for it. 

And just like that, he was ready to leave. With the backpack slung over his shoulder, he slid open his apartment window. He took one last look at the room that was only his for about two months. If he was honest, he wouldn't miss it.

Just as he was about to leave, he heard a knock on the apartment. Well, not so much a knock, but more like a  _ bang _ .

He had to move. 

But then- "Parker!"

That voice stopped him in his tracks. If it had been the voice of anybody else, he would have run for the hills. But that- 

"Come out of wherever you're hiding. We know you're here."

Peter stepped down from the windowsill and made his way to the bedroom door. He swung it open and stepped out. When he spoke, his voice was surprisingly calm.

"Fancy meeting you here, Nick Fury."

-:-

"Cut the sass Parker, we don't have much time." 

As Fury spoke, some people dressed in black came into the apartment, some of them holding a large plastic bag.

"Fury, what's going on? Why- why are  _ you  _ here?"

They both knew the answer to the first question, but Peter was not expecting  _ the  _ Nick Fury to show up. 

"I'm sure you can guess. If you weren't aware before, Thaddeus Ross has been working very hard to eradicate those of your kind."

"Vigilantes?"

He nodded. "There are some people in the government who are getting very, very tired of cleaning up your messes."

Peter tried to quell the rage that fired up in his stomach. He knew most of this was going on, but hearing it out loud pissed him off. "I don't- we have saved so many lives, I don't get why they want to destroy us so much!"

Furys expression didn't change as he responded. "They can't control you. The governments of the world want superpowered individuals that they can control, and if they can't get that-"

"-then they would rather have them dead," Peter finished off. 

Fury looked at the still-bleeding body of May. 

"I'm sorry that this had to happen, Parker. But we don't have the time for this, and there's still a lot I need to explain to you."

Peter steeled himself. Whatever he was about to be told, it wasn't going to be good. 

"We don't know how Ross found out your identity. But we do know one thing- he never saw your face. Before he got his hands on your name, we just managed to wipe photos of you. As we speak, I have people erasing any photo of you tied to your name. We're also creating something new- your photos are currently being assigned to the name Andrew Holland. We're creating birth records, school records, foster care records. Andrews's parents died when he was a baby, and he lived in foster care until he aged out of the system. He graduated high school and then got blipped."

Peter went still. He felt like he couldn't move. He was being erased, and Andrew Holland was taking his place.

"I don't think I need to tell you why all of this is being done."

Peter looked to the other people in the apartment. The plastic bag they had carried in was now empty. Lying next to Mays body on the floor was a body. One that looked vaguely like his, and it had a hole in its head. 

"You're faking my death."

Fury nodded. "It's the only way you can get out of this with your life. Ross has a special vendetta against you. If he couldn't have you dead, he was going to experiment on you. He won't stop until he thinks you're dead."

"That's charming." Peter's voice was dead at that point. He felt like all the energy had been drained from his body, and now he was just a husk. 

"Everyone needs to think you're dead, Parker."

"Everyone?"

"Everyone."

That answered the unasked question in Peter's mind. It might have been selfish, but Peter felt a tiny bit of relief that May was dead. If Peter had to make her think he was dead again, she wouldn't have been able to handle it. It might have destroyed her. This way was better.

"Nothing to say? I thought you'd be more upset, maybe fight me on it. I know you and Tony are close."

Peter shrugged. "I've lost 6 of the closest people in my life, and 4 of them died because of me. I just held my last living relative as she bled out. If this is what will keep people safe, then that's what I'm going to do."

Fury did a cross between a laugh and a sigh. "God, you really have the self-sacrificial thing down. You're a born hero." His tone was laced with sarcasm, but Peter elected to ignore it. 

"I do have two questions. How do I… die? And where do I go from here?"

"That's the more complicated side to this. Technically, you have three identities. You have the identity of Peter Parker, the identity of Spiderman, and the identity of both combined."

"I don't understand."

Fury let out an annoyed grunt. "There are people who know you as only Spiderman, as only Peter Parker, and then there are people who know that Spiderman and Peter Parker are the same person. For the people who only know you as Peter Parker, you died five years ago. You got caught in a helicopter crash, and so everyone thought you blipped.

"For the larger population, Spiderman died in the battle against Thanos. He went out a Hero. And for the people who know you as both Spiderman and Peter Parker-"

"Let me guess- they will think that Ross was successful in killing me," Peter interrupted. He hated every word that came out of Fury's mouth, but he knew there was nothing he could do about it. 

Fury sent him a glare. "No, of course not. Have you  _ met  _ Stark? If he thought that Ross was responsible for your death, that man would not survive another week. Instead, we'll tell them that one of your enemies got a hold of your identity and then put a hit on you."

"Why protect Ross, though?! Don't you think Tony  _ should  _ kill him?"

"Whoa, kid, I thought Spiderman was against killing. And while I hate Ross, I know better than to leave Tony running around trying to get revenge. It would only solidify what the government already thinks, that superheroes are dangerous and need to be controlled."

Peter rubbed his face with his hands. Everything was moving very, very fast, and he felt like his head was spinning.  _ This can't be happening _ . But it was. It was very much happening, and he was utterly powerless. He glanced at the body of May and felt like throwing up. He had to go along with Fury's plan. He didn't have any other choice.

"And my second question?"

"Where do you go? The basic answer is that you need to leave Queens. There's too much of a chance that someone is going to recognize you. You need to abandon whoever Peter Parker was and become Andrew Holland. And to be completely blunt- you're gonna be homeless. You won't have a job, you won't have a home, and most importantly, you won't have anybody watching your back. You should try to change how you look, at least a little. Maybe dye your hair or something. Abandoning everything about your old life is the best way to ensure you survive. And I cannot stress this enough- you absolutely cannot be a hero anymore. Obviously, Spiderman has to die. But you cant take up any other alter ego. You need to  _ just  _ be Andrew Holland."

Peter knew that whatever Fury said was gonna be bad. But with each new layer that piled on the situation, the more he felt like he was going to collapse. 

"Why are you even doing this? Why help me? If Ross ever finds out about this, he'll probably go after you too."

"Ross won't find out. I've got enough resources to make sure of that. Nobody will ever know this even happened. And as to why I'm helping you- I owe a favor to Tony. And if I can help keep his kid alive, then that's what I'm gonna do." 

"I'm- I'm not Tony's  _ kid _ . Plus, you absolutely wouldn't go through all this work just because of Tony. He won't even know you did this. You've never even  _ met  _ me before. I know enough about you to know that's not how you operate."

Fury huffed a sigh and glared at Peter. He seemed to be deciding something in his head. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to just tell you- you're a powerful being, Parker. More powerful than a lot of the things I've seen, and I think more powerful than you realize. The world might need you someday, and I would rather you be alive if that happens." 

That felt ominous. But the conversation was cut off right there because Fury checked his phone. 

"Okay, times up, kid. You need to get out of here."

"Is that it?"

"That's it."

And just like that, Peter was crawling out of the window of an apartment building, leaving behind the last home he would have for a long time. 

He left behind the name Peter Parker. He left behind Spiderman. He left behind any friend he had ever known, and he left behind the last family member he had left. 

Era five ended with May Parker's death and the death of any hope Peter had left. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things Happen, but more stuff is going to happen next chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING/CONTENT WARNING:  
> Im sorry I dont really know the difference, so I'm going to list here things that might be triggering/upsetting.  
> Homelessness  
> Food scarcity  
> Tattoos   
> Fighting  
> Unintentional weight loss  
> Cursing
> 
> Thats all I can think of, but if i missed anything, please let me know!
> 
> Also, I have decided to only check on the comment and stuff once I've finished the next chapter, so hopefully that will give me some motivation to write more! I got this chapter done pretty quickly because I'm super excited for the story, but don't expect all of the updates to be this quick!
> 
> Chapter word count: 8,273

The initial month of living on the streets was surprisingly easy. Peter spent five years in the soul world, without having to eat or sleep. This was no different, except now Peter felt some semblance of tiredness or hunger. It was almost habit for him to not eat. 

Of course, just because it was easier than he expected didn't mean it was easy. When the hunger got to be too much to bear, Peter had to scrounge dumpsters he could find, and he got pretty filthy pretty quick. As for sleeping, Peter was never one to do much of that. But sleeping in the alleyways of New York was not only uncomfortable but dangerous. Regularly, Peter was attacked by other homeless people, meth heads, or people who particularly hated New York's homeless for whatever reason. 

Peter found himself silently thanking Gamora and Bucky for the training they gave him in the Soul World. It came in handy several times, especially since he couldn't use his web-shooters to defend himself. 

Besides occasionally fighting people and trying to find something to eat, Peter was surprised to discover that he was insanely bored most of the time. When you don't have any obligations to attend to, it turns out life is pretty dull. He took to reading in the back of libraries during the day and just sitting on rooftops at night. It was mindless, and it was easy. He tried not to think much. 

If he thought, he would remember. And if he remembered, he would usually stop breathing. And whenever he felt himself getting too panicked, thinking too much, he would pull on his hair and dig his nails into his palms until they bled. He would have to remind himself why he was doing this, who he was doing it for. And while he didn't want to admit it, some small part of him still held out some hope. Hope that maybe, with enough time, he would be able to come back. Hope that maybe, just maybe, Spiderman wasn't completely dead. Hope that Peter Parker wasn't completely dead. 

That hope only lasted for a month, because after a month of living on the streets, the funerals happened. 

The funerals for Peter. 

There were two that were held. The first one was held for the people at school, who knew him as Peter, and nothing more. 

The people in attendance were the people from his Acadec team. They were the people he spent time with at school, and they were probably the only ones who cared to come. It was a small ceremony. One of his teachers gave the eulogy, and it was almost laughable how little they knew him. But Peter was a bit surprised to see that all of the people there were upset, including Flash. Most of the team had been blipped, so they were still the same age as they were five years ago. 

Ned and MJ were there. Neither of them spoke, and Peter doubted Ned would be able to talk even if he tried. He looked devastated and silently cried the whole time. MJ didn't cry. She was never one to openly display her emotions. But Peter knew her well enough to know that she hadn't slept in days, and he could tell she was pissed. 

MJ hated being sad or upset, so her response was always to be angry instead. She always said it was easier to be angry, that it let her fight back against whatever was making her upset. But no amount of anger could bring someone back from the dead. 

Ned and MJ were also at the second funeral. It was at the same place as the first one, in a little graveyard in queens. There were three headstones lined up next to each other. They read  _ Ben Parker _ ,  _ May Parker _ , and  _ Peter Parker _ . 

While it was at the same place, other than Ned and MJ, there was a completely different attendance. This time, it was the people who knew Peter. Knew him as both Spiderman and as Peter Parker. 

Soon after MJ and Ned arrived, the larger group came too. In it was Pepper, Natasha Romanoff, and Tony. At least, those were all the people Peter expected. There were a few other people there that made no sense to Peter. 

But seeing Tony made Peter forget about them for a moment. Peter hadn't seen him since the battle, hadn't spoken to him in over five years. But seeing him made Peter almost leave. The man looked  _ awful _ . He was sickly thin and was in a wheelchair. He looked like he was barely clinging on to life. But still, he was there, out of the hospital. 

The worst thing about him, though, was his right arm. Or where it should've been. The burns from the stones were so severe that the entire arm had to be amputated, and the gap that it left made something burn in Peter. And as Tony was wheeled into the cemetery, he looked hollow. He looked lost. Peter could barely stand to look at him. 

Instead, he turned back to the unexpected attendees. Sitting in Tony's lap was a little girl who looked to be about four or five years old, and pushing Tony's wheelchair was a teenager around Peters age. 

And then, walking in behind Tony, was none other than Steve Rogers. 

That really made no sense, and while Peter tried to figure it out, the funeral started. 

Pepper was the first one to speak. Peter knew her well enough, had worked with her countless times to get Tony to sleep. When she spoke, Peter heard more emotion in her voice than ever before, and her tone was soft. She clearly spoke for both herself and Tony, and her speech held a manner of motherly love that brought tears to Peter's eyes. 

When she was done speaking, MJ walked to the front, with Ned close behind her. She held a small piece of paper, and even from his hiding place, he could see that her hands were trembling. Ned was mostly silent, and when MJ spoke, it was brief. 

Peter didn't listen to what she said. He literally put his hands over his ears and hummed like a child. He knew that if he actually listened to what she said, he would want to come out of his hiding place and say, "Sike, I'm not dead, silly!" And he absolutely couldn't do that. 

When MJ was finished with her speech, everybody kind of lingered together, speaking amongst themselves. Peter watched Tony and the kids that he brought with him. 

"Daddy, can I play with Harley? I'm bored," The little girl loudly complained. Tony just nodded and handed off the girl to the teenager. 

That explained a lot. The little girl was Tony's daughter. Tony had a  _ daughter _ . And Harley… Peter heard Tony say that name before. If he remembered right, Harley was the kid who helped Tony when he was in Tennessee, when everybody thought he was dead. Peter almost laughed at the irony. 

Tony had told Peter how similar he was to Harley, how he thought they would be good friends. Peter didn't know what Harley's presence at that funeral meant, and he didn't want to think about it. 

_ He's not replacing you. He's not. He thinks you're dead; Harley is just… He's not replacing you.  _

Even as Peter thought it, he didn't believe it. 

He diverted his attention from Harley, and his eyes landed on Steve Rogers. Tony wheeled up to him, whispered something to him, and Peter watched as the two men walked a little bit away from the group. They were closer to Peter's hiding spot now, so he could hear them clearly. 

Steve was the first one who spoke. 

"Tony, I know this kid meant a lot to you. But I know what you're thinking, and you  _ can't  _ go after the people who did it. You know what Ross would do if you did anything."

Tony rubbed his face with his hand. "I don't give a shit about Ross. But you don't have to worry. The man who did it is going to safely rot in prison for the rest of his life."

Steve seemed to deflate at that, relief painting his face. "Thank you. I thought-"

"What? That I killed him? I won't lie and say I didn't consider it. What he did… he would've deserved it."

"Peter wouldn't have wanted you to do it. He'd be proud."

As it was, Peter absolutely wanted the man who killed May dead. But that man was Ross, and Peter was glad some poor criminal didn't have to suffer the consequences of what Ross did. 

Tony didn't like Steve saying that, though. "Don't say his name," he snapped. "And it doesn't matter what he would've wanted, because in case you hadn't noticed,  _ he's dead _ ."

"Tony," Steve whispered. He looked concerned. 

"You wanna know why I helped, Steve? It was for him.  _ Only  _ for him. He died five years ago,  _ in my arms _ . He was begging for his life. I wanted- He had a future. He was the most brilliant kid I've ever seen."

"You never told me that."

Tony scoffed. "Didn't matter then. And it doesn't matter now. I just wanted to give him his life back, and now-" Tony covered his hand with his mouth, and Peter was glad he stopped talking. 

With every word Tony said, Peters's heart felt like it was getting smashed with a hammer. The only reason Tony fought Thanos was to save him. Tony almost died using the stones, and he never would've had to if it wasn't for Peter. Tony would've sacrificed his life, and he  _ did  _ sacrifice his arm. 

What little hope Peter had left died right then and there. Tony made it clear that as long as Peter was around, he would be putting Tony at risk. He put everyone around him at risk. 

Peter thought back to Harley and the little girl. Tony had his own kids to worry about, and they would be more than enough. Tony didn't need Peter, and he would learn that eventually. 

"He would've been turning 18 today. He was supposed to go to MIT."

Steve stayed silent, but Tony didn't say anything else. Steve wheeled him back to the rest of the group, and that was the end of the funeral. 

Once everybody was gone, Peter slipped out of his hiding place and started walking down the street, towards Brooklyn. If what Tony said was true, today was August 10, and Peter was officially an adult. 

For a long time, today was a day that Peter looked forward to. He was so excited to gain independence, freedom. He was excited to graduate high school, go to college, do something with his life. 

But now, all that Peter was, was alone. Peter Parker was officially dead, and Andrew Summers was nothing more than a homeless orphan. 

As he was walking, Peter passed by a tattoo shop and got an idea. It was a stupid idea, especially since he barely had any cash left, and he was saving it for emergencies. But once he got the idea, he knew he had to do it. 

Peter entered the tattoo shop with his last $500 and exited it a few hours later with a tattoo covering his left forearm. 

It was a bouquet of may flowers. They were small, white flowers with four petals, and May always kept some of them in the apartment. 

The flowers were made up of small mechanical parts, with gears in the center and sheets of metal to make up the petals. In the bouquet, a spider was spinning a web between the flowers. Then, in tiny lettering, scattered between the flowers were 6 names. 

_ Mom, Dad, Ben, May, Gwen, and Harry. _

The names were so small that you couldn't really see them unless you were looking for them. 

Peter knew that if he was going to leave his life behind, he would need a lifeline. No matter how much he tried, he would never be able to forget. So he got the tattoo as a reminder, a reminder of what he left behind and what was at stake if he ever came back. 

He chose to put it on his left arm because he had a (rather large) scar there that he got in the final battle against Thanos. Peter hated when other people saw his scars.

A week after the funeral, Peter was doing what he always did at night- sitting on a random rooftop. He watched the streets below, watched the people wandering around. The world was still out of balance, and there was chaos everywhere. But in New York, the people had a special knack for going along with whatever happened. 

As he was watching, he felt a tingle in the back of his neck. His spider-sense proved  _ very  _ useful when homeless and had probably saved his life at least a few times while on the streets. He sensed someone coming up behind him, so he calmly stood up, turned around, and tackled the person. 

He heard a heavy grunt as he knocked whoever it was to the ground and quickly rolled off the guy before he could grab Peter. 

"What the hell was that for?"

Peter froze when he heard that voice. 

Bucky had been one of the last people to fall asleep in the soul world. Peter would recognize his voice anywhere. 

"Bucky?"

He watched as Bucky stood up and brushed himself off. "Don't call me Bucky." 

Right. While Peter had memories of the soul world, nobody else did. Bucky didn't remember him. He recalled that when they first met, Bucky was hostile, but he didn't remember him being  _ this  _ irritable. He was practically glaring holes into Peter's head. 

"Okay, what should I call you then. Also,  _ what the hell are you doing here _ ? How did you find me?"

"Enough with the questions. Call be James or Barnes, I don't care, just don't call me Bucky." He leaned on the roof access door and crossed his arms. "As for why I'm here, Fury sent me." 

Peter mimicked Bucky's-  _ James' _ \- pose and crossed his arms. He was excited to see him first, but his attitude screamed that he didn't want to be there. And if Fury sent him, then it probably didn't mean anything good. 

"Care to elaborate? Everybody's supposed to think I'm dead, I highly doubt Fury would tell you otherwise."

"Fury needs you alive, so he sent me. My job is to check in on you every month or so, make sure that you're not dying of starvation or anything. I'm apparently going to be your personal babysitter." James said that without even trying to hide his disgust. Peter shared a similar sentiment. 

"Fury said id be completely alone."

"Like I said, I'm just checking in every month or so. Fury also wants me to deliver news on the Avengers, keep you up to date on certain things."

Peter was silent for a moment. He knew exactly why Fury was doing this. He said he might need Peter in the future, and this was how he was going about it. Making sure he stayed alive, making sure he stayed informed. But Peter didn't want any part of it. 

"How did you find me?"

James shrugged. "We keep tabs." 

Peter scowled. That probably meant there was a tracker on him somewhere. He would fix that later. For now- "Listen, tell Fury something for me- I don't want any part of the Avengers anymore. At all. Tell him to leave me alone. If anything big happens, I'll find him, but I don't need a babysitter, and I don't need him meddling in my life more than he already has." 

James laughed. "He definitely won't like that, and he  _ definitely  _ won't listen. But ill tell him if it makes you feel better." 

"Okay, good. So what now?"

James stopped leaning on the door. "Well, I don't really have any information to give you right now. So, unless you have some sort of emergency, I'm gonna leave. Is your life currently in danger?" 

Peter gestured around him. "Unless you're going to attack me, I'll count that as a no." 

And with that, James was gone. 

Peter fished out his phone that he was still holding on to. He had kept it in case- well, he didn't know what, but he kept it in case of  _ something _ . It was out of battery anyway, and he really should've realized sooner that it was useless to keep around. 

He crushed it in his hand and tossed it behind him. Fury would have to come up with a more creative way to track him down. 

The next two months were eventful for the world. When Tony was recovered enough, and the doctors knew he would live, he emerged to a grateful world. 

Word had gotten around of what he had done, and he was missing one arm to prove it. Tony held a press conference and made a statement that Stark Industries would be working on reorganizing the world, to the great relief of several world governments. 

Then he made another statement. Most of the world knew that Spiderman was blipped, and since everyone came back, people had been wondering when he would make his reappearance. There was some battle footage, and people knew he had fought against Thanos those months ago. 

So Tony had to answer the question, when was Spiderman coming back?

There was live broadcasting of the event everywhere. So Peter could easily see his response when the reporter asked that fateful question. 

Nobody missed Tony's reaction, the way his eyes immediately became watery. 

Peter watched, along with the rest of the world, as Tony announced it. 

Spiderman wouldn't be coming back. He had sacrificed his life in the fight against Thanos. 

He died a hero.

New York is known as the city that never sleeps, but at that moment, it was like the whole city went quiet.

Sure, there were plenty of people who thought Spiderman was a menace to society, blah blah blah. But the truth was that Spiderman was the hero of queens; he was the hero of New York. In the years that he was there, he had become an integral part of the city.

The press conference ended after that, and Peter was grateful. He had grown to avoid Tony's face as much as possible.

After the announcement was made, murals began popping up all over the city. There were paintings of Iron Man and Spiderman everywhere, and they were very often depicted together. 

Peter fucking hated it. He felt like he couldn't go anywhere without being reminded of Tony, reminded of what exactly he lost. 

On the bright side of things, the college school year started, and so Peter could relax a little. He had moved entirely into Brooklyn because there was less of a chance that he might run into someone he used to know. But now, he knew that most of his classmates were going to college outside of the city. 

It became clear to Peter that James used his phone to track him because he didn't show up at all, until two months later, in mid-October. 

"You're a little shit, you know that?"

That was what he said, and Peter couldn't help but grin. 

James still managed to find him, which was disappointing, but Peter had hardly talked to anybody the past months and was getting kind of bored. So he arranged with James a place where they could meet every month, on the condition that James didn't mention anything to do with the Avengers. 

After that, the weather started getting colder. Much, much colder. Peter began to look for food more because the extra fuel was the only thing that could warm him up. It was still frustratingly difficult to find, though.

Around December, Petr stumbled across an abandoned warehouse in a neighborhood with a large homeless population. Peter usually avoided going around that area, not liking to interact with other people. But he was crawling around the rooftops when he found a window that led to an attic.

The building was utterly deserted, and the stairs to the attic were collapsed, so none of the other homeless people could reach it. The only way in and out was the attic window that was 40 feet off the ground. 

Finding that attic was a lifesaver because New York had its first snow shortly after he had found it, and Peter just barely avoided literally freezing to death. 

After that incident, he cashed in his 'life in danger' card with James and got some blankets and warm clothes from him. 

Peter dragged up an old mattress that he found into the warehouse, and so from then on, that was his home. 

Another thing that the warehouse had was a mirror. Peter jumped when he first noticed it because he thought that there was someone else with him. But upon closer inspection, he realized what it was. 

He could hardly recognize himself. Peter was well-muscled, but he was much skinnier now, and his face had dropped almost all of the baby fat it had left. He had often been told that he looked younger than he actually was. But now, his face was angular, his cheekbones were more pronounced, and he had eye bags that made him look like he hadn't slept properly in months (probably because he hadn't). 

His hair had grown out and was now darker and curlier than he remembered. He had grown a few extra inches as well. He also knew that his voice had deepened a bit. 

With all of those factors combined, along with his tattoo, Peter realized he looked almost nothing like himself. Or, at least, nothing like the person he was 5 months ago. He now looked like a homeless degenerate.  Which was precisely who Peter was. 

Even if Peter did run into somebody from his old life, he doubted they would recognize him. 

In February, something strange happened during Peters's meeting with James. 

"I have a message from Fury."

They were sitting in their usual meeting place, on a rooftop, and Peter was  _ quietly  _ watching the snow. He scowled. "Thanks for ruining the peace and quiet. I thought we had an agreement not to talk about…  _ that _ ."

"Yeah, I know, but Fury said it's important, and I'm not in the mood to make him angry. So would you just listen?"

Peter huffed. "Fine."

"Thank you. Fury told me to tell you, 'Somethings coming, and you need to stay out of it.'" Peter waited for him to keep talking, but James remained silent. 

"That's it? Seriously?"

James shrugged. "He told me to give you that message, I figured you would know what it meant."

_ God damn you, Fury _ . "Well, I have no idea what that means. Why does he always have to be so fucking vague, I-"

"Yeah yeah, I get it. I don't like him much either. The only thing I can think of is that, well, Fury and Stark have been acting really off lately."

Peter stiffened as soon as he heard it. "I thought I told you,  _ don't mention him _ ," Peter snapped at James. 

Over the half-year that Peter was living on the streets, he had built up a healthy resentment towards anything that reminded him of Stark. And if Iron Man had anything to do with what Fury was talking about, then he didn't even need to warm Peter. He wanted no part in whatever was going to take place. 

"Right. You know, I don't get why you suddenly hate the guy-"

"It doesn't matter why I hate him, so  _ shut up _ . If that's all you have to say, then I'm gonna go." Peter didn't wait for James' reply. He just jumped down from the roof as walked away. 

It was still daytime then, so he headed to his recent day spot of choice. A few weeks ago, he realized that he could go into the Colombia University libraries and pass off as a college student if he was careful. It took some time to get to since he was usually in Brooklyn, but it was well worth it.

He would spend his days inside, usually tucked away in some corner where nobody would bother him. He was always in the science and engineering library, and he consumed all the textbooks he could find. He regretted not finding it earlier and realized he had completely forgotten how much he loved science. Anything on physics, engineering, biology, or chemistry, he would read. The only thing he avoided were papers published by Stark or Norman Osborn. 

The library was also very well heated, all Peter needed as motivation to stick around as long as possible.

He made it to the library but couldn't focus on the textbook he was currently working on. He didn't want to care, but his curiosity made him wonder what could Fury possibly be warning him about? What would he need to  _ stay out of?  _

Peter didn't need to wait long to find out. It became very,  _ very _ apparent about a week after he met with James.

_ The Fantastic Four Save New York! _

_ Early yesterday evening, in an unexpected event, four superpowered individuals showed up. They protected civilians from a large scale gang shootout. This morning, Secretary Thaddeus Ross has confirmed that the government is working closely with this team, appropriately named the Fantastic Four.  _

Peter crumpled up the newspaper, too sick to read anything else. He felt a pit of rage in his stomach, and it was all he could do to keep himself under control. Of  _ course _ , Ross was behind this. Four new teachers-pet superheroes with a clean brand image, entirely in the pocket of the government. 

He just so happened to have been one of the civilians the Four 'protected.' It was purely out of luck that Peter was in the right place at the right time, but he got to see first-hand how the group operated. 

They were rookies, and it was painfully obvious. With Peters superhearing, he could hear what they said to each other, and it was pathetic. They all shouted orders at each other without listening to what anybody else had to say, and they were clearly all concerned with being the leader. The result was an uncoordinated mess that hurt more than it helped. Peter himself had to corral some people away from danger because the four were too preoccupied arguing with each other. 

They were lucky that nobody else could really hear them because if people heard, they would've laughed.

There was one member specifically that was  _ awful _ , and that was the one and only Human Torch. Of all the people who should've received powers related to fire, the Torch was probably at the bottom of the list. And yet, he could set his whole body on fire at a whim. This meant that while trying to (subtly) protect people, Peter also had to put out a few small fires that the man caused. 

After the Four managed to do their job and stopped the shootout, Peters's disgust for the Torch peaked. The man  _ flexed  _ for people. Like, he literally flew above the crowd of civilians that gathered and flexed, then showed off some fancy flying. Then he took selfies with people, grinning the entire time. 

From the newspaper article, Peter learned the Four's names (that's what he settled on calling them because they were hardly  _ fantastic _ ). The team consisted of Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Johnny Storm, and Ben Grimm. Peter actually know about Reed Richards already, having read several of his papers on quantum mechanics. He had even respected the guy, and he felt a bit disappointed that Richards was Mr. Fantastic.

What fueled Peter's anger was also that there were pictures of the Four  _ everywhere _ . Specifically, one photo with the Four in their ridiculous costumes, with Ross standing in the middle, wearing a stupid grin that didn't fit his face. It was like the government was trying to brand the Four as some kid-friendly superhero team.

Peter pretty quickly figured out why the Fantastic Four emerged when it did. It was because about a month before, Johnny Storm had turned 18. It was the cheapest thing about that whole situation, and Peter knew that Ross had probably been preparing for this for  _ months. _ Maybe even before… May. 

Peter also realized that apparently, Fury understood him a bit more than he thought. The message he had sent was very, very clear in telling Peter to  _ stay out of it.  _ Because Fury somehow knew that the minute Peter saw the Four, he would try to return to crime-fighting. 

Peter knew the risk it would be. He did. He had the risk permanently inked into his arm. But still, once he saw the Four, it was like some part of him had been reawakened. Peter realized that for the first time since coming back, he felt the urge to help again. He felt the urge to fight, the desire to protect. He realized that he desperately missed being Spiderman. 

And Peter  _ knew _ he could do it better than the Four. He had four years of experience on them, and he wasn't being dictated by the government the entire time. 

He could do it, and he wanted to  _ so bad _ . It was exactly what Fury warned against…

Well, Peter had always had authority issues, and he wasn't going to start listening now. 

It didn't take long to put things together. Peter had gotten unbelievably lucky when rummaging through a dumpster one night and found a black jumpsuit in almost perfect condition. It only had a small tear in the pant leg, which he guessed was the reason why it was in the trash. It always astounded Peter how quick people were to throw away things without even trying to repair them. 

After he got the jumpsuit, getting the rest of a suit was easy. He visited the dumpster of a clothing warehouse and managed to find sowing materials, which he could use to fix up the pants and some black gloves. And as for the mask, Peter searched for something discreet that wouldn't make him look like a criminal. It was a bit difficult, but he found a discarded motorcycle face mask. It covered his entire head and neck, with a window that showed his eyes. Out of all his options, it was the best one. 

The last item he needed was a pair of boots, and he never would've gotten them if it wasn't for a random old lady. She was clearly rich and feeling particularly generous that day because she asked him if he needed anything that she could get him. Peter typically wouldn't have even responded, but he was desperate, and the situation was almost too good to be true. So he answered that yes, he needed a pair of boots, and she asked him for his size. 30 minutes later, she returned with a pair of (very, very expensive) leather boots. 

When Peter asked her why she helped him, she told him that he reminded her of her grandson. She said he had needed some help in life, and maybe Peter needed some help too. 

It bothered Peter that most of his suit was acquired by luck, but he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

After getting together his suit, he was out. But this time, instead of flashy web-slinging, wearing red and blue, Peter ran in the shadows and moved too fast for anyone to see him. If he was going to last as a vigilante, he needed to be discreet, and the general public could never know of his existence. 

He operated at night, running across rooftops and hiding in alleyways. The first night he did it, he felt more alive than he had in months. While it was no web-swinging, running and jumping on rooftops was freeing and lit a spark in Peter. After that, he started going out every single night.

He hardly slept because it only lead to nightmares, and crime-fighting was much more interesting than sitting on roofs and people watching. 

He did what he did as Spiderman most of the time. He stopped muggings, carjackers, any small criminal activity he saw. He tried to avoid big stuff like bank robberies, though. If he saw a drunk person or a woman hurrying home late at night, he wouldn't go up to them like he used to, but he would follow them and make sure they got home safe. 

When he interfered in crimes, he was fast and efficient and didn't say a word. His hand to hand combat was better than ever, and even without web-shooters, Peter could easily fight off criminals. Whenever there was a witness, he usually put a finger to his mouth, a sign that universally meant  _ be quiet _ . It worked because he never saw any mention of the black-clad vigilante that protected Brooklyn in the night. 

Peter operated like a ghost, and if he thought about it, he  _ was  _ a ghost. The Ghost of Spiderman. So in his head, that's what he called himself. 

Ghost. 

At his next meeting with James in March, Peter was nervous that he knew. The most important part of being Ghost was that Ross never found out and that Fury never found out. Peter wasn't quite sure which he was more scared of. But James didn't indicate that he was aware of Peter's nighttime activities, so Peter figured that he was sufficiently discreet. 

Two months after the Four made their debut, they showed absolutely no signs of improving, even though they were plenty busy. With the official death of Spiderman, as well as the post-blip chaos, they had a lot on their hands. They usually handled big things like bank robberies, gang activity, or random supervillain attacks, but that was in plenty of supply. 

And yet, while they were gaining experience, they didn't improve their coordination at all, and they still put civilians in danger far too often for it to be considered okay. So Peter made a decision that he would probably come to regret.

If the 'Fantastic Four' weren't going to protect the people, then Peter would. Whenever something was going on with the Four (that was during the night), Peter would show up and offer a helping hand. 

Of course, this was all in secret, and nobody ever noticed that he was even there. But once Peter started showing up, he was able to put out (far too many of) Johnny Storms fires and was able to save the lives of quite a few civilians. 

The weather warmed up, months passed, and Peter fell into a routine. During the day, he looked for food, visited the library, and kept an eye on the news if there was any mention of Ghost. 

At night, he would patrol, help people stay safe, and clean up the Fours messes. Occasionally, Peter would get injured, and that was never fun. When Peter had consistent access to food, injuries weren't much of an issue unless they were severe. But as it turned out, his advanced healing depended a lot on him being well-fed and well-rested. 

He discovered this one night in April when Peter got stabbed in the leg. He couldn't walk for a week. He was lucky it didn't get infected. 

Occasionally, Peter also found that he couldn't breathe, which was a new issue. The first time it was bad enough to be concerning was when he was reading a textbook. It was on the quantum plane, which was partially written by Hank Pym. Most of it was about how its energy could be harnessed and applied in real-world mechanics. But then, he stumbled across a chapter that was suddenly talking about theoretical time travel, and before he knew it, the time stone was mentioned. 

Just reading about it brought about a wave of memories that Peter didn't like. He remembered the sound Tony made when Thanos stabbed him. He remembered Dr. Strange trading in the stone for Tony's life. He remembered their chances; 14,000,605:1. 

He couldn't breathe, and the more he tried to stop thinking about it, the more he remembered. It almost felt like he was back on the battlefield. He could  _ hear _ Thanos, heard the sounds of fighting. 

He dug his hands into his hair, trying to shove the memories out of his head. 

His heart was beating out of his chest, and his body felt numb.

Eventually, he was able to get his breathing back under control and never touched that particular textbook again. But incidents like that started happening more frequently. 

Peter knew what was happening,  _ why  _ it was happening. But it was so much easier to ignore it, and ignoring things he didn't like was what he had done all of his life. He wasn't going to stop now. 

Peter was able to keep himself secret for half a year.

6 months after the Four appeared, Peter was out as Ghost. It was about 3am, and he didn't expect much to happen tonight. It was early August, and the summer was still hot enough for Peter's suit to be uncomfortably warm (it was better than winter, though). 

He was moving through Sunset Park when he heard shouts up ahead and the sounds of a fight. He moved further up, and in a park, he saw the Four fighting against what looked like… two Doom bots.  _ Fuck _ . 

Peter didn't like Doom bots very much. He had dealt with a few in his time as Spiderman, and they always gave him a good beating before he was able to destroy or decode them. Recently, the bots showing up seemed to have a vendetta against the Four (which Peter totally understood). Still, they rarely showed up anyway, so Peter wasn't too worried. Knowing Dr. Doom, he knew that the man was probably just playing around, seeing if he could design a bot that could defeat the Four. It was a 'just for fun' game that was fun to nobody but Doom himself. 

He watched the Four fight the bots for a minute and noticed that these particular models had gained the ability to hit Sue even when she had a forcefield. That was actually pretty interesting. Peter thought that if Doom wasn't so annoying, he might like to study his work. But alas, some great minds always had to turn to evil. 

Usually, the bots were pretty harmless to civilians, but there was a small crowd of about 10 people or so who had gathered to watch the fight, and Peter didn't want to risk them getting hurt. So Peter crawled down the building and cautiously made his way towards them. Since he was trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible, Peter had adopted a strategy that involved him acting as a part of the crowd. Peter lingered behind the group of people, who were all too focused on the fight to notice him. Peter waited until Johnny and a Doom bot flew too close, and through the startled crowd, he shouted, "get to the subway!"

Nobody noticed where the shout came from; they only heeded his instructions. Panicked people just needed a bit of direction, and they would do what they were told. 

Once everybody cleared out, Peter retreated back into an alleyway and climbed on top of the building with the best view of the fight. 

It was mostly taking place in the small park, and the building that surrounded the park kept the battle contained, which was a relief. Peter wasn't in the mood to run around like a headless chicken. 

After some observation, Peter determined that these Doom bots were fairly leveled up from the last one he had seen in action. The bots were able to take on all of the Four at once. However, for now, one of them seemed to be targeting Johnny storm, whose fire didn't affect it, and the other was fighting Richards and Sue. The Thing seemed to be incapacitated for some reason. 

So, Johnny was left flying around, just barely out of reach of the bot, who was trying to shock him with its gauntlet and had no one to help him. 

Peter allowed himself to laugh at the Torch for a second, but he quickly sobered up and started thinking of how he could help. He wouldn't step in unless it was vital, but Doom bots were unpredictable, and it was always better to be prepared. 

Peter wouldn't be able to help with Johnny's situation much, so he focused on Richards and Sue. 

They were just managing to hold their own, their attacks doing close to nothing to the bot. They were under constant attack, so they didn't have time to formulate a plan or hack the bot. And to make matters even worse, the bot was periodically sending out close-range eclectic pulses that prevented them from getting too close without getting electrocuted. 

All in all, Peter was really impressed with the recent Doom bot design. But unfortunately, those beautiful creations had to be destroyed. 

Peter waited five more minutes and realized things were getting very desperate for the Four. They were tiring out quickly, and if they made a mistake, they would either get severely injured (like The Thing) or get killed. As much as Peter disliked them, he wasn't about to let that happen. 

The only problem was that Peter had never revealed his presence to the Four before. Ever. There was far too much risk that they might report him to Ross. 

Peter heard Sue cry out in pain, and he groaned. He supposed today was as bad a day as any, and if he was going to help, he might as well just get it over with. 

Peter jumped down from the building and ran across the street into the park. He kept mostly to the shadows, hoping to use the element of surprise to his advantage. With a closer view, Peter noticed that things were a bit worse than he thought. Richards had a nasty gash on his leg, and Sue kept getting hit by some sort of concussive force that the bot was targeting at her. They wouldn't last much longer. 

Staying behind the shrubbery in the Park, Peter crept around to behind the bot. He knew it had a built-in infrared scanner, but Sue stayed visible, having figured out that it would be able to see her anyway. So, it wasn't using it and didn't detect him creeping up behind it. 

When he was just out of range of the electrical pulses, Peter jumped on the back of the bot. 

Immediately, there was chaos, yelling, and a bit of spinning thrown in there to make Peter really feel something. 

Vaguely, Peter could hear Richards shouting at him to 'get out of here!' but Peter just set to work on the robot. He was riding the thing piggy-back, and it couldn't do much to him since he was on its back. With his legs hooked around the bot, Peter cracked open the back panel on its armor and started examining the innards. 

The bot was still sending out the electrical signals, so Reed and Sue didn't get close, but that didn't stop them from shouting at Peter. It was really annoying. 

"Shut-" Peter grunted as the robot spun around. It was currently trying to fling him off like a bull. "UP!"

Peter was nose deep in the wiring for the bot. He knew that if the Doom bots were under threat for capture, they would immediately self destruct. And Peter really didn't want that to happen, given that he'd be destroyed along with the bot. 

He would also  _ love _ to get a look around the bot when it wasn't active. Just looking at the inner mechanics now was ming-blowing. 

The inside was very complex, so it took a few minutes, but Peter was finally able to find the part he needed and shut down the bot. 

It fell to the ground, and Peter fell with it. He heard a faint  _ beep  _ from it and immediately scrambled away from it. 

He should've known it wouldn't be that easy. Even if he could shut off the bot, Doom was probably watching, and he wasn't about to let anyone get their hands on his tech. 

Reed and Sue stared at Peter, dumbfounded, but they started when Peter started sprinting towards them. 

"Run!"

"What?"

"RUN!"

They didn't need to be told twice and sprinted after Peter. Just in time, too, because a few seconds later, the bot exploded. 

Peter leaned on a tree, panting. Richards and Sue did the same, but they watched him warily. 

"Who the hell are you?" 

Peter didn't get the chance to answer because, at that moment, Johnny Storm came crashing down, with the second Doom bot close behind him. 

Well, at least he got a couple of seconds to rest. 

Peter immediately moved behind the Doom bot, where it didn't have much visibility. It wasn't likely, but if Dr. Doom watched Peter fighting, he might connect the dots. Or, he might start sending bots after him, like he did with the Four. 

With Sue, Richards, and Johnny together, the bot was struggling more. This one didn't send out electrical pulses, so they could fight more head-on. 

Peter was about to do the same thing as he had done with the previous bot, but Johnny chose that exact moment to tackle the bot, sending it right into Peter. He clearly hadn't noticed Peter was even there because he gave out a cry of surprise when he saw him. It was too late, though, and all three of them went tumbling to the ground. 

Peter grunted heavily as the bot smashed into him. It had an eclectic gauntlet, and Peter got a nasty jolt from it, along with being slightly crushed by both the bot's and Johnny's weight. 

He immediately shoved them off himself and rolled away. Once he scrambled up, he saw that Johnny had the bot wrestled to the ground and was using his fire to melt through the bot's chest. 

Once the metal was melted, Peter watched in slow motion as Johnny reached into its torso and pulled out a bundle of wires. 

"No, don't!" Peter and Richards shouted at the same time.

Johnny looked up as the bot started beeping.

Peter was the closest one to Johnny. He sprinted and managed to get him off the bot just in time. It exploded just a second later, sending both Peter and Johnny flying through the air and into a tree.

Barely evading explosions was something that Peter liked to keep at a minimum, but Doom bots really loved exploding. 

Having Johnny Storm land on top of Peter once was one time too many, but it was really getting stale when it happened the second time. 

Coughing, Peter shoved Johnny off himself (again) and stood up. The bots were both gone, so he needed to make his escape quick. But Richards and Sue came running them, and Johnny was standing up.

"You saved my life." 

_ Ugh, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna wish I didn't _ . 

Peter didn't say that, though. He was raised with  _ some  _ manners, after all. Instead, he crossed his arms and set himself in a defensive posture. "And you almost got me killed."  _ Great response there, Peter. _

Johnny looked affronted, but Sue spoke before he could answer. "I know I asked this before, but who are you? How did you manage to shut down that bot?" She sounded both shocked and impressed.

Great, he was really in it now, wasn't he? The last thing he wanted to do was make an impression.

"It doesn't matter who I am. I just saw an opportunity to help and took it. So, uh, would you mind not mentioning this to anybody?"

Richards furrowed his brows, suspicious. "Why?"

Peter raised his own brows. "You of all people should know Richards, arent you the smart one?"

Richards cocked his head to the side, seemingly understanding. But he remained suspicious. "Since you helped, and you saved Johnny, we won't mention anything."

Peter nodded. "Thank you."

He intended for that to be it, but Johnny spoke up. "First of all, it's not my fault you were in my way." He was still stuck on the 'you almost got me killed' comment. "Second of all, I'm confused. Why should we keep this a secret? And what's your name?"

yOU wEre iN mY WAy. Johnny was  _ so  _ much worse up close. 

Peter scowled, and his patience was wearing thin. "Call me Ghost. Because if I'm lucky, you won't ever see me again.

Peter started to leave, but Johnny reached out to grab him. With a swift movement, Peter grabbed his arm, twisted it around, and sent Johnny stumbling away from him. 

"I'm leaving now. And before you try to follow me, you might want to check on Ben first. I haven't seen him in a bit."

"Shit!"

Peter laughed dryly and listened to Richards and Sue run towards Ben. He ran in the opposite direction. But when he glanced back, he saw Johnny staring at him with an expression he couldn't pinpoint.

No matter. 

Like Peter said, if he was lucky, he would never have to interact with the Four again.

But he was hardly ever lucky. 

  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ooo??? OOOO???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING/CONTENT WARNING:  
> Im sorry, i still dont know the difference, so I'm just grouping it together  
> Brief suicidal ideation, mention of jumping off a building  
> Minor description of stab wound and blood  
> Very, very brief joke about muteness
> 
> That's all, I THINK. If I missed something, please let me know so I can add it. And as usual, if there are any mistakes in the writing, or if you have any constructive criticism, please let me know! I have thick skin, I can handle it :)  
> Oh yeah also, I am not a science person at all, so when Peter talks about science stuff, just know that I'm mostly winging it and have no clue what I'm saying. 
> 
> As usual, I feel like I should give a warning that I finished this earlier than I thought I would, so don't expect super regular updates after this lmao. This is the longest chapter I've ever written for anything, ever. It's a little above 9k words, which is so crazy lol, I've never written that much before. 
> 
> And finally, I wanna give a huge thank you to my friend [lampalot7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lampalot7)! I've never been to college and had no idea how it worked, and she explained a ton of stuff to me. There's still some wrong stuff in the chapter, but she seriously saved it from being a mess. If you like Fullmetal Alchemist, Haikyuu, Voltron, or My Hero, check her stuff out! She's such a talented author. 
> 
> And with that, I leave you to enjoy the story!
> 
> Chapter word count: 9,328

Peter never thought he'd live that long. When he became Spiderman, it was almost a guarantee that he wouldn't live past 35. And in some way, he was already right. Being blipped, he was dead for five years. But then he came back to Earth (which was both a relief and a disappointment).

Then he became homeless, and Peter's life expectancy for himself dropped to about 22. He figured he would either starve to death, freeze to death, or get killed as Ghost. 

Two weeks after revealing himself to the Four, Peter went out on patrol again. He didn't go out before, not until he was reasonably sure that the Four didn't report him to Ross. It was now 3 am, and Peter was sitting on a building overlooking prospect park. He was tying a tourniquet made out of old cloth he found, trying to stop blood flow from a light stab wound he had received. He hadn't eaten in a few days, and his reflexes were a little slow.

He finished tying it and sighed. He wouldn't be able to do much for another week until it healed, or at least until he found a proper meal (which was unlikely to happen). Looking down on the street below him, he tried to ignore the pain in his leg. He would head home in a minute.

Even at 3 am, New York was alive with energy, cars, and people passing below him. A person walked below him, speaking loudly on the phone, not bothering to lower their voice. Behind him, two ladies stumbled along, probably wasted. He would typically follow them home to make sure they weren't attacked, but now all he could do was watch and hope they stayed safe. 

In prospect park, he watched a couple of college-age kids put down a picnic blanket and lay down. He could hear them faintly talking as they looked at the sky. The city's haze didn't allow for a view of the stars, but the full moon shone overhead. They were laughing and holding hands. Peter knew it was a moment that those people would remember for years. A quiet moment where they could just relax, talk about whatever they wanted, while most of the world was asleep. Where they could wander around New York city and stare at the moon. 

Peter felt an ache in his chest, and he knew that he would never experience that. He would never get a quiet moment to just sit with a friend, laugh, talk, and look at the sky. 

For him, nighttime was when he was on high alert. Nighttime was when the scum of the city slunk out, when people got hurt. And he didn't have friends. He couldn't. 

Sitting at the edge of the rooftop, Peter looked directly down. He was thirty floors high, the ground far away. If he fell, he would die in an instant.

Not for the first time, Peter considered just throwing himself off. 

He didn't have anything stopping him. There was nobody that would miss him, nobody that would even notice that he was gone, other than James and Fury. 

It sounded bad, he knew. But realistically, he knew he would never do it. For better or worse, he was too much of a coward to follow through. He liked to entertain the idea, though. It was like a lifeline he always had. If things really went to shit, he could just… die. Easy as that. 

He didn't think about the fact that he was already at rock bottom. Things couldn't really go to shit more than they already had. 

He just gazed down at the pavement below.

_ It would be so easy. _

Then a bright blaze shot overhead, and a moment later, Johnny Storm was landing behind Peter on the rooftop. 

He would've run away, but his leg hurt, and Johnny would probably just follow him anyway.

"You said your name was Ghost." 

Peter swung his legs around, so they were on the other side of the ledge, and he was facing Johnny. He kept his posture relaxed, but his muscles were poised to fight if he needed. 

Peter nodded. 

"So you're going with the whole secret identity thing? Unless your name is actually Ghost, but I doubt that."

Once again, Peter just nodded. Johnny kept talking. 

"I never really got the chance to keep my identity secret, but I get why you do it. Reed was really adamant with us that we don't report you to Ross or anything. I don't really know why, but I'm happy to not tell Ross. The guy's a douche. But I figured that it was probably to do with the whole identity thing."

So Ross didn't know. Peter felt a weight lift off his back that he didn't know was there. He let out a sigh. 

Johnny sat down on one of the roof benches, keeping his distance. Hopefully, he learned not to touch Peter from last time. "You don't talk much, do you?"

"What are you doing here?" Peters voice was hoarse, and he realized he hadn't spoken all week. 

Johnny threw his hands in the air (Peter flinched at the sudden movement, but Johnny didn't notice). "He speaks! I thought you had gone mute. I've been keeping an eye out for you. Set up one of Reed's satellites to keep a lookout for you. I noticed you haven't been around for a few weeks, so I thought I'd just keep a lookout, make sure you didn't die or anything."

Peter snorted. "You meet me once, and you set up a satellite to look for me. I thought I made it clear, I don't really want anything to do with you."

Johnny tilted his head. "Okay, yeah, that's fair. I see how that's weird. I just… there aren't many active superheroes these days. Even vigilantes have kind of disappeared. Maybe they got bored, I don't know." He tapped his leg. "I guess I was curious about you. It's a secluded business, being a hero. I think it'd be nice to know someone outside of the Four who's like me."

_ So he doesn't know about what Ross did.  _ Reed knew, but Peter figured that the rest of the Four didn't, and what Johnny said confirmed it. He didn't linger on that, though. 

Instead, he raised his eyebrows and said, "I'm not  _ like you _ , Storm."

Johnny huffed. "Okay, I get that I'm like, a big superhero or whatever, but we're not completely different. And I actually had an idea about that."

Peters guard instantly raised. "What  _ idea _ ?"

"Okay, well, you're a smaller hero, a vigilante. And since I'm in the Four, I have more training and stuff, like defense training, and crisis management, stuff like that. So I thought that maybe you could help us fight and stuff, and I could show you the ropes. And then like, we could both have a hero friend to talk to and stuff."

Well, that was a lot more than Peter was expecting. He almost laughed at how ridiculous the proposition was. The idea that Johnny would train  _ Peter _ was an absurd notion in itself. But,  _ crisis management _ . That  _ had _ to be a joke. Of all the things Johnny could do,  _ manage a crisis _ was not one of them. 

Peter didn't say that, though. Instead, he just said, "I don't need your help. And I don't do 'friends.'" 

Johnny flushed deeply and nodded at Peter's leg. "If you don't need training, then why is your thigh dripping blood?"

Peter scowled. "That's irrelevant."

"It doesn't look irrelevant. It looks painful. You should consider investing in a better suit."

"Yeah, well, unlike you, most people don't have access to multi-million dollar technology."

"That's what I'm saying! If you worked with me, I could probably figure out a way to get you a good suit. It's all Stark tech, the best there is." Johnny pushed his idea even further, unaware that what he was saying just made Peter less and less inclined. 

Peter stopped moving. "Stark built your uniforms?"

Johnny, oblivious to Peter's distress, nodded enthusiastically. "Yep!" He popped the 'P.' "Custom built. My suit can withstand heat up to like, a billion degrees. I could get something like that for you. It'll stop things like your leg injury from happening."

It really shouldn't have bothered Peter that Tony built the Four's suits. But it did. It felt almost like a betrayal to the Avengers. The Four were the government's attempt at controlling superheroes. The fact that Tony worked with them, the fact that Tony worked with  _ Ross _ … Peter felt nauseous.

But Johnny wouldn't understand why Peter was upset, so he hid his anger. Pushed it aside. It was another thing on the list of things to be mad at Tony for.

Peter got to his feet, maybe to show Johnny that his leg didn't bother him. He regretted it when his muscles cried out in pain, but he ignored it. "Listen, Storm. I don't need your help, and I don't need you looking out for me. Just stay in your lane, and I'll stay in mine."

Johnny also stood up. He stayed a few feet away from Peter, but their heigh difference was still noticeable. What Johnny had in height, Peter made up in his glare. "Listen, Ghost. You don't have to do the whole  _ lone wolf _ thing. If you give me a chance, give  _ us  _ a chance, we might actually help you."

Johnnys arrogance was genuinely astounding at times. "Not everybody needs you to save them, Storm. I'll say this one more time, and then maybe it'll get through your thick skull.  _ Leave me the fuck alone. _ "

Johnny gave an exasperated sigh. Peter walked over to the other side of the roof and got up on the ledge. "I'm leaving now. Don't try to follow me."

He jumped and landed on the next roof 10 feet down. He rolled on the landing but still felt a jolt of pain in his injured leg. From there, he dropped down into an alleyway, disappearing into the shadows. 

Despite Peter's instinct to stay as far away from the Four as possible, Peter returned to patrolling and went back to what he did before; He strayed around the Fours battles, pulling civilians out of the way of danger. It was necessary, but he didn't like it. 

At least now, he didn't have to worry as much about keeping himself hidden. Most of the time, he still held to the shadows. But if it was necessary, Peter could let the Four know he was there, and he would help out with the monster of the week or whatever weird thing showed up to wreak havoc on New York. 

Reed, Sue, and Ben seemed pretty indifferent to his presence, sometimes relieved when he would show up to a fight. It wasn't often, but Peter proved himself as a valuable ally in a battle. 

Johnny, however, was a different story. It was safe to say the month they knew each other, they settled into a rivalry. Or, at least, Johnny saw it that way. Peter saw the hothead as more of a pesky fly.

Johnny would toss around banter and insults in a fight, and Peter occasionally responded. It reminded him of the commentary he would do when he was Spiderman.

Sometimes when Peter patrolled, Johnny would show up, which was both unexpected and unpleasant. He still had that weird satellite tracker and would find Peter when he was sitting on rooftops. 

Peter didn't fully understand why he did it. Johnny would try to talk to him about battles, the latest news, or just random topics. It was annoying, but he also brought Peter food, so he didn't run away. 

At the end of the month, Peter had his meeting with James. He was incredibly nervous going into it. Although the Four didn't tell Ross about Ghost, they might have told other people. Namely, they might have said something to Tony or Fury. Both of which would be  _ disastrous _ . But James gave no indication that he heard anything strange, and their meeting was short. 

Before he left, he told Peter, "By the way, happy 19 kid."

After he left, Peter checked the date on a discarded newspaper.  _ August 27 _ . 

His birthday had long passed, and Peter was 19. Which meant that he had been on the streets for over a year. He had been dead for over a year. 

He didn't know what to do with himself after he realized. A wave of emotions drowned him, and things he pushed aside threatened to wash up. 

He quickly got himself under control, shoving memories as far back into his mind as they would go. He couldn't dwell on them, couldn't  _ think _ , or else he would cease to breathe. 

He wasn't in the particular mood to have a panic attack or a flashback, so he went to the Colombia library and engrossed himself in the most complicated textbook he could find.

Later that night, when he was patrolling, he belatedly realized that September was right around the corner, which meant that winter was coming soon. He had no clue what he was going to do, given that he almost froze to death last winter in a cold front. 

He would have to find a way to get some cash.

Two days later, the cash fell right in his lap. Not literally, but it was close enough. 

He was in the library reading again, reading a textbook on Asgardian physics, studying the Bifrost. Peter was holed up in a back corner between shelves, assuming that nobody would notice. He was so engrossed in reading that he almost missed his spider-sense warning him that someone was coming. By the time he realized, the person was sitting down next to him. 

"Hi!"

Peter stared at him.  _ Who the hell is this guy _ ?

"Uh, my name's Noah. It's nice to finally meet you."

_ Finally? _ "What the fuck?"

Noah laughed. "Right, I guess this is kind of weird. I just mean like, my friends and I have seen you around in this library all summer, and I'm just finally talking to you, so yeah."

"And  _ why _ are you doing that, exactly?" Peter glared at him. 

Noah laughed nervously. "I'm sorry, I know that this awkward, but I just… what are you reading?"

Peter was silent for a moment. This random dude just came up to him and started talking to him, saying that he watched Peter in the library over the summer. He looked a little younger than Peter, probably fresh out of high school. His hair was similar to Peters, dark and wavy, though it was shorter and better styled. He was wearing some designer clothes, so he definitely had some money. He looked nice enough, but Peter was wary.

_ I've seen weirder _ .

Peter decided to humor Noah. He didn't exactly have anything better to do. 

"Asgardian physics volume 3."

Noah whistled. "That's some intense shit. Can't believe you don't go here."

Peter stiffened. "How did you know?"

"If you think I'm gonna get you kicked out or anything, don't worry. It's just kind of obvious. You spend all of your time here, and you don't have a student ID, or else you would check out the books. And nobody else here knows you, I've asked. Wait, that sounded weird. I'm not like, stalking you or anything, I just-"

"You're observant?" Peter meant it sarcastically, but Noah nodded along. 

"Yeah, I guess."

Peter chuckled. "Okay then, Noah, you got me. I don't go here. But if you're not going to kick me out, why did you, ah,  _ observe _ me? And why are you talking to me now?"

Noah perked up a bit. "Oh, right. It's actually kind of hard to explain. To put it simply, I have a job offer for you."

Peter's eyebrows shot up. He was cautious before, but his alert was raised now. The whole situation felt very weird. 

"Can you follow me for a second? I just wanna move to an actual table. The floor is uncomfortable."

Against Peter's better judgment, he got up with Noah and followed him to a table. One other dude was sitting at it, a black guy with his nose in a CompSci book. When Peter and Noah walked up, he looked up and said, "No way! You actually talked to flower boy!"

" _ Flower boy _ ?"

Noah sat down next to the guy and nodded. "That's kinda what we've been calling you. Cause of your tattoo." He pointed at Peter's arm, and he looked down.

He kept the tattoo covered most of the time, but the weather was warm, and he didn't want to sweat more than he needed to with a hoodie. "Okay then. Well, my name's Andrew."

"Oh, that's perfect!" Noah said. "Andrew is my middle name." Why it was perfect, he didn't explain. 

Peter sat down across from Noah and the black dude, looking over them. They didn't look like much of a threat, and if Peter needed to take them down, he probably could. But his spider-sense was pretty calm, so he probably wasn't in immediate danger. 

"So, explain to me. Why have you been watching me, and what's this job offer?" His tone came off slightly aggressive, but Noah didn't seem fazed. 

"Before he explains, can you solve this?" Noah's friend spoke and slid forward a piece of paper. On it was a written problem, and when Peter skimmed it, he saw that it was a quantum physics problem.

"I think so. Why?"

"Just solve it."

Noah handed Peter a pen, and the boys watched as Peter quickly solved the problem. It was actually more straightforward than he first thought, and he got it done in about 5 minutes. When he was done, Noah's friend slid the paper back and pulled out another paper with what looked like the solution on it.

"Holy shit, dude, you got it right!"

Both Noah and his friend looked at him with awe. "That was a test problem from a post-baccalaureate Quantum physics class, and you just solved it in like 3 seconds." Noah had a light in his eyes, and Peter could see puzzle pieces clicking together in his head. "You're like a genius."

Peter warmed slightly. He wasn't used to any sort of praise, and it had been ages since he got to show off his skills. "Okay, did I pass your test then? Can you explain what the hell you want now?"

"Absolutely." Noah grinned and rubbed his hands together. "Okay, this is gonna be kinda weird, but just stick with me. Jake and I have been thinking about this for a little, and we're pretty sure it'll work." Peter assumed the black dude was Jake. 

"The idea is, I want you to take my physics classes for me."

_ Well, that wasn't what I expected.  _ "Pardon?"

Noah leaned forward. "Let me explain. My dad owns a decently sized firm, which I'm going to take over sooner or later. This is my first year here, and I'm majoring in business. But, my dad has a bit of a grudge against Tony Stark, and Stark industries." Peter stiffened.

"What does this have to do with your physics classes?" He kept his voice even, but he wanted to move the conversation away from Tony. 

"Don't worry, I'll get to that. Anyways, I'm sure you know this, but Stark's kid is going to this school too, and my dad saw that as some weird opportunity to show Stark up. He's making me take two of the same classes as the Keener kid, and he expects me to do better than him. It's just for this year, so he can feed his ego. He couldn't care less if I actually know physics. The only problem is, the dude's a  _ genius,  _ and I'm  _ not _ . There's a reason Stark likes him, and it's because the guy is almost as smart as him. There's no way I could beat him, and if I don't do well, my dad will be  _ pissed _ ."

Peter maintained a straight face. He was beginning to guess what Noah wanted, and he was getting nervous. 

"Like I said, Jake and I have kinda been watching you. Not in a creepy way. We've just noticed the type of things you read, and it's some advanced shit. And you just proved now, you know your shit when it comes to physics. Am I wrong?"

Peter shrugged. "I'm also into engineering and chemistry."

"So you admit it. Now, do you think that if you were put in an advanced physics course, you would do well?"

Peter nodded. He was always good in school. He guessed what Noah wanted now, and he didn't know what to think.

"So. We look kind of similar. My idea is that I pay you to take my physics classes for me, and you do better than Harley Keener."

There it was. And Peter was a moment from saying no. He wasn't supposed to get close to anybody that could tie him to his old life. He had never met Harley, and he had no plans to. 

But… it was so tempting. Peter could go to school, he could go to  _ Colombia _ and take advanced physics classes. And it would only be for the year. If he was careful, he wouldn't have to interact with Harley at all, and when the year was up, he wouldn't have to see him again. 

Peter bit his lip, thinking. "How much would you pay?"

"I'll give you $50 for each class you attend, and there are four classes a week. And if you get an A in either of the classes, I'll pay an extra $200." Noah's demeanor had shifted slightly, and now he seemed a bit desperate. It was clear that he really needed to pass those classes.

And he was offering a lot of money. Money that Peter needed. If he had some cash, he would be able to buy warm clothes, blankets, and  _ food _ . All things he desperately needed if he was going to survive winter. 

"Tell me more."

He hadn't said yes yet. He just wanted to get more details. It didn't mean anything. 

Jake smiled and returned to reading his CompSci book, and Noah launched into the details of his plan. There were two classes, Quantum Mechanics 460 and Particle Phenomenology 401. They were both upper-division classes, which Noah's dad apparently had to pull some strings to get Noah into. He would have Quantum Mechanics on Mondays and Wednesdays and Particle Phenomenology on Mondays and Thursdays.  Noah guessed that Peter was pretty low income and promised that he would pay for a gym membership for Peter to shower and buy him a new wardrobe for classes. 

It was perfect. Besides the fact that Harley would be in his classes, it gave Peter everything he needed.

It would still be foolish of him to say yes. It would be an enormous risk and had the potential to undo everything that Peter was protecting for the past year. 

"I'll do it."

"Yes! Dude, thank you so much. You have no idea how much this will do for me, seriously. You won't regret this."

_ I probably will, but honestly, what  _ **_don't_ ** _ I regret at this point. _

After spending about an hour or so talking to Noah, they left Jake in the library. Noah wanted to immediately get Peter new clothes, and he also wasn't kidding about the gym membership. That was almost the best part of the whole arrangement. It's pretty much impossible to be any sort of  _ clean  _ when you're homeless, and Peter knew he probably smelled disgusting. New York summers were hot.

After buying Peter several high fashion outfits and the membership, he surprised Peter by taking him to a barber. Peter got his hair professionally washed and cut for the first time since before the blip. 

When the barber was finished, Peter was shocked at what he saw in the mirror. His hair had significantly darkened out, and now it was closer to black than to the light brown it was a year ago. It was left longer than what he used to have it as, and it made Peter look older. His hair dried in soft curls that didn't make his hair curly, but it wasn't wavy. 

Though it was longer than he used to keep it, it was still shorter than homelessness had made it. For the first time in over a year, Peter got a clear look at his face. And that was what really surprised him. 

His face had really slimmed out, and he no longer looked like a 14-year-old boy. His eyes were hollow, and Peter realized he actually looked intimidating. 

When he was Spiderman, he could easily beat up criminals. But when he wasn't Spiderman, all his intimidation factor disappeared. His young face and eyes making him look 'more like a baby deer than a superhero,' as Tony once said. 

But now, he actually looked intimidating  _ outside _ of a suit. He mastered his glare that very clearly read,  _ don't fuck with me _ . Peter didn't know if he quite liked it, but he knew that his appearance probably protected him from people trying to fuck with him for the most part.

He was a far cry from the person he was a few years ago, and his appearance had changed to reflect that.

He looked away from the mirror soon after. 

The last thing Noah did for him was buy him a burner phone, a watch, and give him $40. 

The burner phone was so that Noah could contact him when he needed to, as Peter didn't have his own. The watch was so that Peter could get to classes on time. And the money was for food. 

Noah didn't say it out loud, but Peter knew that Noah realized he was homeless. It wasn't exactly a well-kept secret. But Noah took in Peter's weight and pressed two $20 into Peter's hands. 

Peter hated the pitying expression that he had, but money was money, and food was food. 

At the end of the day, Peter sat on a rooftop, scarfing down a New York pizza as Ghost. Taking a moment to catch up with himself, Peter knew he was taking a risk. It was yet another thing that Fury could never find out about. 

Peter usually tried to avoid everything that reminded him of Tony, but it was incredibly difficult. It felt like there was Tony all over New York. He remembered one day a few months ago when he saw a newspaper headline that read "Tony Stark announces heirs to Stark Industries- Daughter Morgan Stark, and protege Harley Keener." Seeing the headline broke something in Peter. 

_ It was going to be me _ .

There was no use in Peter dwelling on a future that was no longer a possibility. But seeing that headline, seeing Tony announce Harley to the world, hurt him more than he could admit. 

And then afterward, people referred to Harley as  _ Stark's Kid,  _ as Tony's genius apprentice. Tony and Harley even did a few interviews together. Tony was so willing to be public with Harley like he never was with Peter.

Harley was someone that Peter not only avoided but resented. And he would be going to school with him. 

It was a terrifying prospect.

But with food in his stomach and still-wet hair from the first shower he had taken in months, Peter couldn't find it in himself to panic about it yet. He reminded himself, it would only be a year. A year in which he would have steady cash, food, and showers. A year in which he would get to go to an Ivy-league school to take advanced physics courses. 

For the past year, Peter was wandering around with nothing to do, no plan for the future, no goals. He didn't think about what would happen afterward, but for now, Peter got something to do, something to look forward to. 

Peter finished eating his pizza and sighed. It was around 11 pm, so the night was young. That was another thing about going to college. For the first time in ages, Peter almost felt like he would be back in high school. Out all night fighting crime, then in a classroom by next morning.

Peter was just about to get back to his vigilante duties when he felt a tingle in the back of his neck, and Johnny storm was touching down behind Peter on the rooftop. 

"And just when I was having a nice day…"

Johnny scoffed and walked up next to Peter, who was still looking out over the building's edge. "You know what, Ghost? I think you might secretly like me."

Peter stayed on the ledge, and Johnny sat down a few feet next to him. He was still annoyed by Johnny's presence, but he had given up trying to stop it. 

"And what makes you think that, flame brain?"

"Well… okay, there's not much concrete evidence yet, but I have a feeling."

Peter laughed dryly. "The only thing that I remotely like about you is that you bring me food. Speaking of which…" Peter eyed Johnny's hands, which were unusually empty. Even though he just finished the pizza, his stomach was asking for more food. 

_ Stupid spider metabolism _ .

Johnny rolled his eyes. "And here I was, thinking you liked me for my personality. Sorry ghosty, but no food today. I don't have any cash on me."

"You live in a penthouse in one of the tallest buildings in Manhattan, and you don't have a little bit of cash?"

"We prefer credit cards. There's not much cash lying around. Now, are we only going to talk about food?"

"I'd prefer if you didn't talk at all, but you can't seem to leave me alone." This time Peter sent a light glare towards Johnny. What was he good for if he didn't have food?

"Reed asked me about you the other day. He's figured out where I go when I sneak out in the middle of the night."

Peter raised his eyebrows. That couldn't be good. Johnny seemed to notice his apprehension because he was quick to reassure Peter. "It wasn't anything bad. He just wondered how long you've been operating. He mentioned that you said something when you first helped us that was interesting. He didn't say what, though. Any idea of what he could mean?"

Peter did, in fact, have an idea. He thought back to when he revealed himself to the Four.

_ "It doesn't matter who I am. I just saw an opportunity to help and took it. So, uh, would you mind not mentioning this to anybody?" _

_ Richards furrowed his brows, suspicious. "Why?" _

_ Peter raised his own brows. "You of all people should know Richards, arent you the smart one?" _

_ Richards cocked his head to the side, seemingly understanding. _

It was a crucial moment that let Peter understand something about Richards and the Four. 

Richards understood what Ross did to vigilantes, how he threatened and killed them until one by one, they all disappeared. He also understood the danger in telling somebody like Ross about the existence of Ghost. He agreed not to reveal Peter, which was a relief. 

But Peter still kicked himself for that moment. As soon as it happened, he knew it was a mistake to say anything, to even  _ imply _ that he knew. 

None of the Four knew about Ross' scheme other than Richards, and it was probably because the man deduced it and confronted Ross. 

It was top secret, and Ghost shouldn't have known about it. And now Richards was asking questions about it, trying to figure out how Peter knew. 

"Ghost?"

Peter masked his panic easily and looked up to meet Johnny's eyes.  "I'm sorry, I can't really think of anything. And as for how long I've been operating, I've been doing it for about three months."

Peter had actually been operating as long as the Four had, a little over 6 months. But revealing that might be suspicious, and Peter just wanted to stay as unremarkable as a vigilante could be.

Two lies wrapped into one. However unlikely it was, Peter hoped Richards would drop whatever suspicions he held towards Ghost. 

"You were operating for two months before we noticed you? That's pretty impressive. But I'll tell Reed you said that. I don't know why he asked, but I think he's just curious about you. I think I mentioned this, but we don't have a lot of heroes around anymore. I think we're all pretty desperate to know somebody else."

God, he was so close to connecting the dots. But Johnny just didn't seem to get it. Why there were no vigilantes, and why that would make Richards interested in Ghost. A part of Peter urged for the Torch to figure it out. He wished that Johnny would realize the crimes that Ross committed and realize how much a snake the man was. But it was for the better that he didn't.

Peter caught himself staring at Johnny and glanced down once he realized. Johnny sighed and stood up. "I'll guess I'll go tell Reed now and leave you to your crime-fighting. Try not to die or anything."

"Wait, before you go. Tell Richards I said thank you."

Johnnys face screwed in confusion. "For what?"

"None of your business flame brain. He'll understand what it means."

Johnnys face flashed with an emotion Peter couldn't place, but it was gone in an instant.

_ Thank you for protecting me from him _ , was the full message. Peter may not like Richards, but he kept Ghost secret, and Peter was enormously grateful for that.

After it was clear that Peter was done talking, Johnny said "Flame on," and flew away. 

A week later, on the first Monday of September, Peter got to Colombia for his first-ever college class. 

He was way more excited than he really should've been, but he didn't care. It was the first time he ever had something to look forward to, something he could  _ be  _ excited for. He missed being in a school setting where he could learn and work and show off his skills. 

He had been reading at Colombia for months, studying and learning new concepts until his knowledge exceeded in most categories. But this felt so much more different because he wouldn't just be learning. He would get to put his skills to practical use, solving problems and doing work, putting concepts in practice instead of just reading about them. 

Earlier in the day, Peter washed up at the gym and tried to put some effort into how he looked for once. His hair wasn't the mess that it usually was, and he was wearing the clothes that Noah got him. 

When they were shopping, Noah had said to Peter, "You're gonna be representing me, okay? So you gotta look the part." 

'Looking the part' meant that Peter was dressed in black jeans, a Led Zeppelin distressed t-shirt, a leather jacket, and a chain to wrap up the look. He also had some leather boots, this time for Peter instead of for Ghost. 

He felt a bit ridiculous walking around, but the clothes were clean and comfortable, so Peter wasn't complaining. 

(He ignored the fact that the Led Zeppelin shirt reminded him of Tony).

When they were shopping, Peter had also decided to indulge in something and grabbed some eyeliner and makeup remover. In his Junior and Senior year of high school, Peter had to experiment with makeup, learned that he actually really liked the look of some basic eyeliner, and had worn it all the time. 

Noah had only raised his eyebrows when Peter threw it in their haul of stuff, so he figured it was okay. 

Now, waking through campus, Peter realized something. 

It was still warm, so he tied the leather jacket around his waist, and his tattoo was completely exposed. People gave him a slight birth while walking. Peter realized that with his tattoo, eyeliner, and glare, he probably looked more than a bit unapproachable.

That was good, though. Peter wasn't in the business of making friends, so the more people avoided him, the better. 

Checking his watch, Peter started and saw that he was going to be late to Quantum Mechanics. To his first class. 

Even with nothing to do, Peter managed to be late. He supposed that old habits die hard because he wasn't on time for a single thing in high school, either. 

Picking up his walking pace, he made it to the lecture hall, hoping that he wasn't going to be the last one. He made it on the dot, opening the door. 

Immediately, everyone in the room looked at him, and he felt embarrassed. It was almost entirely made out of upperclassmen, and he instantly felt out of place. But he just kept a glare fixed on his face. He looked at the teacher, who he recalled was professor Callot, and tried to apologize. 

"I'm so sorry I'm late-"

Callot waved him off. "You're right on time. Just try to make it earlier next time. Before you sit down, I actually have a seating chart, so if I could get your name?"

"Oh, Noah Martin, but I prefer to go by my middle name, Andrew." (That was why Noah was so excited about their matching name. Peter wouldn't have to fake his name. E _ xcept he did, but Noah didn't know that _ ).

"Alright, Mr. Martin, let's see where you are."

While she looked for his place, Peter glanced at the people already sitting. It was a higher level class, so there were only about 40 people. Peter almost immediately spotted Harley, seated in the second row.

It was the first time Peter had seen him since the funeral, and it was his second time seeing Harley in person, ever. He hadn't changed much, and he was staring at Peter along with the rest of the class. 

Peter tore his gaze away almost instantly. 

"There you are. You can go sit in the third row, next to Mr. Storm."

Peter froze.

_ Holy shit.  _

_ Please don't do this to me. Please, if there is a divine force, don't do this to me, I'm begging you. Let it be someone else with the last name 'Storm.' _

Peter looked up to the third row and locked eyes with none other than Johnny  _ fucking  _ Storm.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

A few giggles went through the hall, but Peter was panicking too much to be embarrassed. 

"Mr. Martin, please try not to curse in my class. If you have a problem with where you're sitting, come to me during my office hours." 

Peter had half a mind to realize that he should probably stay on his teacher's good side, so he quietly apologized and moved up to his seat.

Right next to Johnny Storm. 

It's funny how fast excitement can turn into panic. Peter silently cursed his Parker luck. 

He kept his glare fixed on his face and sat down. In the first part of the class, Professor Callot just went over the syllabus, which Peter already knew by heart (He had already read most of the course material).  So he turned her out, choosing instead to freak out in his head. 

Peter was prepared to face Harley. He knew he would be there, knew what to expect. But Storm? He hadn't known that was going to happen at all. 

Even if he knew that Johnny was going to Colombia, he wouldn't have expected him to be in a class like this. He didn't think he was smart enough or that he cared enough to study something like quantum mechanics. 

Dealing with Harley was a risk that Peter was willing to take, but Johnny hadn't been a part of the deal. 

Peter couldn't help but think of all the worst-case scenarios that could happen. The most likely of which being that Johnny might recognize him as Ghost. 

_ I could just drop out. Tell Noah I don't want to do it anymore. _ That would've been an excellent idea, but Peter  _ really _ needed the money. He had built up the next year in his head, planning things out, thinking about school. He was looking forward to it so much...

And he couldn't let Johnny Storm just rip it away. 

Peter figured he would just go to the professor's office hours later and ask her to switch his seat. There were probably plenty of people who would want to sit next to Johnny.

45 minutes into class, Peter tuned back in. Callot had finished explaining the syllabus and changed the tone of the lecture. 

"Alright, now that we have the syllabus out of the way, I'm gonna jump right into what we're starting with. As I'm sure most of you understand, this is an advanced class, and you're going to be introduced to a lot of new concepts. So, you get to start off the semester with a nice and simple partner project. This will allow you to introduce yourself to some of the terms we're going to be working with, and it'll show me your individual skills, as well as how you work in a group. As for who you'll be working with," Peter swore she looked at him, "the person you're sitting next to will be your partner." 

It almost felt malicious, but Peter knew that once again, his bad luck was taking control of the steering wheel and crashing Peter into everything it could. Johnny's seat was the last in the row, and Peter was the only person sitting next to him. 

Callot went on to explain the project for the next 15 minutes. "I know this might seem overwhelming, but you're going to be learning a lot of this stuff in our next few classes, and you'll be able to incorporate it into your project. Now, you have about 30 minutes left of class. You can technically leave, but I encourage you to stay behind and get acquainted with your partner. I'll be here if you need any questions."

Peter picked his backpack off the ground, ready to leave, but of course, it wasn't that easy. 

"Where are you going? We need to talk about our project."

Peter turned in his seat to face Johnny, who had a smug smirk on his face. "I kinda figured that you don't really like me, but like it or not, we're stuck together."

"Unfortunately," Peter grumbled. 

"I have to say, my feelings are hurt. Did I do something wrong? I doubt it since I've never met you before, but then you'd just be hating me for no reason." He said it in a joking tone, but his words had a bit of a bite.  Logically, Peter knew that Johnny probably got it a lot. People would either clamber all over him, or they would hate him for no other reason than he was famous. But Peter didn't hate Johnny for those reasons. 

He didn't like Johnny because he was an irresponsible hero who put civilians in danger and lit fires. He didn't like him because he was arrogant, ignorant of his privilege. Peter hated him because although Johnny was reckless and hot-headed, he got to be a hero out in the open, publicly loved.

But even though he didn't like Johnny didn't mean that he was cruel. He wasn't going to make Johnny think he was just some hater who judged him on his fame alone. 

"First of all, it's not for no reason. And I don't  _ hate  _ you, I just…" Peter struggled to find a not-harsh sounding word. 

"Hate me?"

Peter sighed and squinted at Johnny. "It sounds so harsh when you put it like that." 

"Mm, Maybe you should reconsider hating me then. And what reason do you have, to hate me? Do you think I'm too pretty or something?" The smirk was back, and the sudden guilt that Peter felt disappeared. 

He redirected the conversation. "I didn't know you went to Colombia. I didn't think-" He cut himself off. Belatedly, Peter realized that he was talking too much, and he accidentally slipped into the usual back-and-forth he had with Johnny. 

"What? Didn't think that I'm smart enough? Most people don't. I think it's the whole 'flame brain' thing." He looked annoyed at that. 

Peter just stayed deadpan. He wasn't going to be cruel, but he wasn't going to start being buddy-buddy either. 

"Yeah, I figured your brain would be like cooked ramen noodles by now. But I also didn't peg you to be a physics sort of guy. Thought you might be more of a clown school person."

Johnny gave an annoyed huff. "I'm gonna ignore the clown comment." He started tapping his leg, which Peter had noticed was an annoying habit of his. " And I'm  _ not  _ a physics guy. But when you're around Reed long enough, you're kind of forced to learn about stuff like physics, and I'm not half bad at it. The whole reason I'm here is because of Reed. He thinks it would be good for me. I think he's also kind of jealous that Stark has Keener. Wants to turn me into a similar sort of protege."

Peter furrowed his brows. "Elaborate."

Johnny rolled his eyes. The topic clearly exasperated him, and Peter couldn't help but relate. Every time he heard about Harley and Tony, he felt like putting his head through a wall. "They're like carbon copies of each other, and Harley's a genius, one of the only people who can keep up with Stark that also likes him. Reed always says they're the nation's smartest assholes."

Peter snorted. "Well, that I can agree with. Do you know him?"

"Who, Stark or Keener?"

" _ Keener _ ."

"Oh." Johnny nodded. "Yeah, I guess. We're not exactly friends, but both he and Tony work with the Four a lot, and Harley comes over sometimes."

Peter regretted asking. Remembering that Tony worked with the Four was something he didn't like to do very much. 

"Let's talk about something else."

"Yeah, I don't like talking about Harley much either. So," Johnny looked at Peter. "You never answered as to why you hate me…"

"Alright, class, that's been 30 minutes. There's going to be another class coming in here soon, so you need to clear out," Professor Callot interrupted. Peter silently thanked his luck for her timing. 

In an instant, Peter had his backpack in his hand and was standing up. "I guess you'll never know then." 

He was halfway to the exit when Johnny called for him to wait. Peter made it all the way outside before Johnny caught up to him. 

"Andrew, we never even talked about our project. Can you at least give me your phone number or something so we can get time to meet up?"

_ Shit, I forgot about that _ . In all honesty, Peter hoped that he could wiggle his way out of the project somehow, but it didn't seem likely. He kept walking, and he knew that Johnny was following behind. "We can talk about it, next class on Wednesday. I have a particle class to get to right now."

Johnny stopped in his tracks, and for some reason, Peter stopped too. He turned around and saw Johnny grinning. He furrowed his brows. "What are you grinning about?"

"Is your next class Particle Phenomenology with Professor Majors?"

Peters face dropped, and he glared right at Johnny. "You're joking." 

Johnnys wicked grin widened. "Nope! You and I have the same class together, which is  _ perfect _ because now I can walk you to class, and we can talk about the project." Peter scowled and went back to walking, Johnny falling in step next to him. 

"Jeez, Storm. First, you ask me for my number, and now you're walking me to class. Is this your attempt at flirting? Because I'm afraid all you're gonna get is a solid rejection."

To Peter's satisfaction, Johnny blushed. "I'm not  _ hitting  _ on you. I'm just trying to make sure that we don't fail this project because  _ you're _ difficult." 

Peter groaned. " _ God,  _ this project is going to be a nightmare. Enduring you will be the greatest test of patience I ever go through. I fucking  _ hate _ -"

"Hey, Storm, can you tell Reed to pick up his phone? He's ignoring Tony's calls."

_My life._ _I fucking hate my life_. 

On the other side of Johnny, Harley Keener was talking. 

"Keener, I'm not Reeds messenger bird. I don't want to get in between their stupid argument." Johnny sounded exasperated, and Peter figured that this was a common occurrence. 

He clenched his hands and noticed that they were shaking slightly. He knew it would be difficult at first, but he hadn't expected this much panic.

"It's not even that stupid, Reed is just plain wrong this time, and he refuses to admit it." 

Johnny grunted. "That's not what Reed told me." 

They started to argue back and forth, and Peter saw it as an opportune moment to escape Johnny. But, just as he was about to leave, Johnny tugged on his shirt sleeve.

"You're not getting away from me until we talk about that project, Andrew."

Harley looked behind Johnny and spotted Peter. "Wait, is that the guy that didn't want to sit next to you?"

Peter clenched his jaw and swatted Johnny's hand off his shirt. "Don't touch me. And yes, I'm the one."

Harley laughed. "That's lucky, Storm, you get paired with the only guy that has enough sense to dislike you." He said it in a joking tone, and Peter was actually a bit surprised. The way Johnny talked, it seemed like he hated Harley as much as Peter. But seeing them argue with each other, it appeared that they had more of a friendly rivalry going on. 

For some reason, Peter felt a bit disappointed.

They started walking again, and Peter gave up trying to escape Johnny. They all had the same class anyway, so he might as well walk with them. Harley and Johnny returned to arguing, and Peter listened. It seemed like Tony and Richards were trying to incorporate vibranium into Richards's suit, but they couldn't agree on how to do it. 

Harley insisted that Tony was right, and Johnny was poorly trying to defend Richards. He didn't know enough about vibranium to really argue. But as Peter listened, he realized that Harley didn't have a good understanding of vibranium either, because he was blatantly wrong.

However, Peter learned about vibranium from Shuri, the person who knew arguably the most about the substance on the planet. 

"Stark's wrong." He blurted it out before he could stop himself.

Both Johnny and Harley stopped in their tracks. "Huh?"

"Starks wrong. Vibranium's strong, but it's not built to stretch. He has the right idea, trying to modify the molecular structure slightly, but if the vibranium got woven into fabric, every time it stretched, it would get worn down. There's no way it would last more than two uses."

Harley raised his eyebrows, but Peter wasn't finished. "Richards has the right idea, and it will make the vibranium last longer. The only problem is, it would reduce the original elasticity of his suit by a margin of 5 to 15 percent." 

"Exactly! With Tony's way, the elasticity might even  _ increase _ , and the suit would be way more resilient. Even if it didn't last long, they could make more." Harley answered. 

Peter rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but do you really think Richards would want to replace his suit every two battles? Not to mention, Wakanda doesn't exactly give out vibranium easily. The only sustainable way to incorporate vibranium is with Richards's idea. So, you would have to choose between armoring the suit or keeping that extra elasticity."

"How do you even know it wouldn't last? Tony's never tried the modification, so he's just theorizing."

Peter got annoyed. "If he hasn't tried it yet, then you can't just say definitively that he's right. And it's just basic deduction. Considering how vibranium interacts with other chemicals, and the compounds that Stark wants to use, the strands would just wear down. Sure, they would soften and stretch, but it would eventually disintegrate."

Harley went silent and looked flustered, which made Peter feel satisfied. He kept his cold stare fixed on Harley. 

_ You're not better than me _ .

It was a stupid and petty thought, but it felt good. Harley might be Tony's kid, but Peter was still there.

Glancing at Johnny, Peter saw that he looked amused. He bit his lip and nodded at Peter. "So, let's assume that what you're saying is true. The armor is important, but that extra elasticity can save a life in the right situation. Is there no other way to preserve it?"

Peter shook his head. "The best solution I can think of is to have the regular suit, and then if needed, Richards could have a housing unit that holds the vibranium suit. Like one of Iron Man's nanosuit dispensers. Then you could have the option for both." 

Harley tilted his head, squinting at Peter. "How do you even know so much about the vibranium or the suits?" His tone was inquisitive, but Peter could hear suspicion laced in his tone. 

Sometime when Peter was talking, they had resumed walking, and now they were outside their Particle Phenomenology class. 

"I've studied vibranium, and I've looked into the mechanics of most hero suits. It's not exactly difficult to figure out."

Harleys face turned red, and Johnny grinned.

With that, Peter pushed open the door into the class. There were five more minutes until it started, but it was still pretty full. Behind him, Johnny and Harley walked in. Peter made his way to the back of the lecture hall. Jake was actually in this class too, and Peter was excited to have somebody he knew, even if it was somebody he only met once. 

Behind him, Johnny followed after him, while Harley took a seat in one of the lower spots. 

Peter sat down and scowled at Johnny in annoyance. "We don't have to sit next to each other here. Go  _ literally _ anywhere else."

"I could do that, but you still haven't given me your number."

Jake snorted next to Peter. "You've been at school one day, and you have Johnny Storm hitting on you? That's impressive."

Johnny groaned, and Peter actually felt his body temperature rise in embarrassment. "I'm not  _ hitting  _ on him!"

Peter interjected. "We have a project together in Quantum Mechanics, which means I'm stuck with him, apparently." 

Johnny sat down and started taking out his things if he needed to take notes. 

Peter groaned. "Storm, if you're the reason why I drop out of school, I'm going to kill you." The man just grinned at Peter and kept on unpacking his stuff. 

"Okay, okay, if I give you my number, will you leave me alone?"

Johnny said nothing and handed Peter his phone. Peter wrote the number on his burner and gave it back. "Great, now you can leave me alone."

Johnny laughed. "No can do."

Peter felt like he was going to cry from frustration. " _ Why? _ "

Johnny leaned forward. "You're the first person I've ever seen, other than Reed or Tony, to beat Harley in an argument about science. The look on his face-" He laughed again. 

"And? I don't see what that has to do with you refusing to leave me alone."

"Haley could always use being knocked down a peg or two, and anybody who can do that is a cool person in my book. So, I'm gonna make you my friend."

Sometimes, it was spectacular how stupid Peter's life was. 

"Well, I hope you're patient then because that's never gonna happen."

Johnny winked at Peter. "I'm a charming man. I'll get to you eventually."


End file.
